


THIS IS A LOVE STORY

by adorations



Category: Community (TV)
Genre: Breaking the Fourth Wall, Descriptions of Lost Pregnancy/Miscarriage, Discussion of Religious Guilt, F/F, Getting Together, Happy Ending, M/M, Mentions of Addiction/Alcoholism, Previous Knowledge of Fleabag Not Required, Religious Imagery & Symbolism, Screenplay/Script Format, Weddings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-05
Updated: 2020-08-05
Packaged: 2021-03-05 01:48:55
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 20,418
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25386334
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/adorations/pseuds/adorations
Summary: THIS IS A LOVE STORYis a comedy-drama limited series based on Phoebe Waller-Bridge’sFleabagand featuring the characters from NBC’sCommunityin a new context. Abed Nadir stars as himself, our endearing and dry-witted but stubborn and grief-ridden narrator in this alternate look at Greendale, Colorado. Annie Edison and the Study Group also star, while Troy Barnes joins the cast as Abed’s love interest. The protagonist frequently breaks the fourth wall to provide exposition, internal monologues, and a running commentary to the audience.THIS IS A LOVE STORYis touching, occasionally funny, emotional, and therapeutic for the author to write.No. of Episodes: 6Based on: Fleabag (Season 2) by Phoebe Waller-BridgeAdapted by:adorations on ao3, inspired by a tweet from @erasermulaney
Relationships: Abed Nadir & Annie Edison, Abed Nadir & the Study Group, Annie Edison/Annie Kim, Minor or Background Relationship(s), Pierce Hawthorne/Wu Mei, Troy Barnes/Abed Nadir
Comments: 69
Kudos: 173





	1. Episode 1

**Author's Note:**

> special thanks to @erasermulaney on twitter for making the tweet which made me want to write this. 
> 
> i think this fic can stand on its own if you haven’t seen fleabag, but you really should watch it, it’s incredible. a lot of the writing here is heavily inspired or quoted from phoebe waller-bridge, so i of course must give credit there.
> 
> please be aware of the warnings, there is a description of a miscarriage, discussion of alcoholism, brief religious guilt and mild discussion of internalized homophobia, as well as brief mature content. if you’ve watched fleabag, you’ll be fine - but please still heed the warnings, don’t do anything that will make you upset or sad. 
> 
> and if you like this, please leave kudos and comments! thank you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In this pilot episode, Abed, after being mostly absent for a several months, joins the group for Pierce's engagement dinner and meets someone new.

**EPISODE 1**

  


**_TITLE CARD: [You want a better story. Who wouldn’t?]_ **

Fade in: _ **[Love, for you, is larger than the usual romantic love. It’s like a religion.]**_

Fade in: _**[ - Richard Siken,**_ **Litany in Which Certain Things Are Crossed Out _]_**

Fade to black.

  


**INT. FANCY RESTAURANT BATHROOM**

Score: Frank Sinatra’s Strangers in the Night plays.

Wide shot of ABED NADIR washing his hands at the sink. Even from this first shot, it is apparent that he and his mismatched formalwear do not match the tone of the room. He continues washing his hands. 

Close up of the sink. His right hand is bleeding profusely. He rubs a handful of paper towels on the wound and grimaces. The camera catches this expression in the mirror and Abed stares at his reflection. 

There's a soft knock on the bathroom door. 

  


MAN ( _O.S, kindly_ ) 

Can I do anything?

  


ABED 

No, thank you.

  


MAN ( _O.S_ )

It’s just me. They’re all outside, so…

  


Abed grabs a few more paper towels and dries his hands, holding them to his wound in an attempt to stop the bleeding. 

We then pan to the ground to reveal a WAITRESS with a bloody nose sitting on the ground. He gives her a few paper towels. 

  


WAITRESS

Thank you. 

  


He watches himself in the mirror. The music cuts out just in time for us to hear him take a breath. 

  


ABED ( _to camera_ )

This—

  


**HARD CUT TO:**

**_TITLE CARD: [–IS A LOVE STORY]_ **

It completes his sentence.

  


**INT. RESTAURANT - Earlier That Night.**

Close on Abed, sitting around a restaurant table, holding a glass of champagne and looking directly into the camera. There’s other people seated with him, but we can’t see them yet. 

  


ABED ( _to camera_ )

You know when you’ve watched everything?

  


**FLASHBACK INT. ABED'S APARTMENT**

Abed is seated on the couch, facing the TV with wide eyes as Inspector Spacetime plays. 

  


**INT. Restaurant**

Back at the table with Abed.

  


ABED ( _CONT'D, to camera_ )

And –

  


**FLASHBACK INT. ABED'S CHILDHOOD HOME**

Abed, pictured as a preteen, has a blanket over his head and is staring at his laptop. Stand By Me is playing. He looks distraught. A single line can be heard. 

  


LAPTOP ( _V.O_ )

I NEVER HAD ANY FRIENDS LIKE THE ONES I HAD WHEN I WAS TWELVE. JESUS, DOES ANYONE?

  


**INT. RESTAURANT**

Back at the table with Abed.

  


ABED ( _CONT'D, to camera_ )

And even –

  


**FLASHBACK INT. ABED'S APARTMENT**

Abed, an adult again, is watching The Phantom Menace in his living room. He glances at the camera in disgust. 

  


**INT. RESTAURANT**

Back at the table with Abed.

  


ABED ( _CONT'D, to camera_ )

After all these years, you really feel like you’ve finally watched _everything_. And by ‘you,’ I mean myself, of course, because this is a narrative device meant to get the audience to empathize with me. 

So ‘you’ve’ watched everything. And now you’re addressing the audience directly, because once you’ve watched everything, the only narrative you have left is your own.

And you feel great. 

  


**FLASHBACK EXT. CEMETERY TRAIL**

Abed is attempting to run. He’s wearing well-used athletic clothing, so he’s clearly done this before, but he looks incredibly tired – more than he would usually be. His shoes are untied and he’s slowing to an odd sort of shuffle, stumbling and eventually putting his hands on his knees. His face is flushed. He gasps for air.

  


**INT. RESTAURANT**

Back at the table with Abed.

  


ABED ( _CONT'D, to camera_ )

You’re not even thinking about –

  


**FLASHBACK INT. QUIET ROOM - Unknown Location**

A toddler sits on the ground and plays with his toys. He looks up, just beyond the camera. He smiles. 

  


**INT. RESTAURANT**

Back at the table with Abed.

  


ABED ( _CONT'D, to camera_ )

You don’t even think about –

  


**FLASHBACK INT. ABED'S APARTMENT **

Close on ANNIE EDISON, tears streaming down her face. 

  


**INT. RESTAURANT**

Back at the table with Abed.

  


ABED ( _CONT'D, to camera_ )

And even though your best friend probably hates you now…

  


He passes bread across the table, revealing Annie, who accepts it and gives a tight-lipped smile. 

  


ABED ( _CONT'D, to camera_ )

…you’re both pretending to be fine because your oldest, most crazy racist friend is–

  


**EXT. GRAVESIDE**

THE STUDY GROUP sans Pierce are standing by a grave in the rain. 

  


**INT. RESTAURANT**

Back at the table with Abed.

  


ABED ( _CONT'D, to camera)_

Just kidding, that was only for dramatic effect. He’s right here.

  


We reveal PIERCE HAWTHORNE, and his much younger fiancé, WU MEI HONG LONG, who has her hand in his. 

  


ABED ( _CONT'D, to camera_ )

And somehow, he’s engaged.

  


WU MEI ( _lifting her glass_ )

Here’s to love!

  


EVERYONE

To love!

  


PIERCE

8th time’s the charm. 

  


JEFF WINGER leans on the table. 

  


JEFF

Pierce, I never thought I’d be able to say it, but congratulations. You’ve finally found someone who is clearly just as delusional as you are. 

  


Pierce sputters for a response and Wu Mei rolls her eyes. BRITTA PERRY, on Jeff’s right, hits his arm. 

Also seated at the table is SHIRLEY BENNETT, on Jeff’s left. Next to Abed is an UNFAMILIAR MAN. He is dressed handsomely, but looks a little like he’s playing dress up – like a child in adult’s clothing. We will later learn that this is TROY BARNES. 

  


PIERCE

Thank you all for arranging this engagement dinner. 

  


SHIRLEY

You said you’d slash our tires if we didn’t.

  


PIERCE ( _ignoring her)_

It means a lot to have you all here tonight to celebrate, sort of a... special family gang bang, if you will. 

  


Shirley shakes her head. 

  


JEFF

I don’t think you know what you’re saying. And if you do, that might be worse. 

  


ABED ( _into camera)_

I’m still developing, but for the fourth wall breaks I’ve decided on more of a Ferris Bueller thing rather than a mockumentary style. This isn’t a documentary, it’s one person’s stream of consciousness. Mine, if you haven’t figured this out.

  


PIERCE

To have you all here to celebrate our marriage and our moist toilette union, to know that you all will finally have to acknowledge my clear success… It’s thoughts like these that keep a man young. 

  


As Pierce speaks, Abed keeps looking back and forth between Troy and the camera. Confused. 

  


ANNIE ( _trying to move forward_ )

Congratulations! We’re so happy for you, Pierce. 

  


BRITTA

Why are we only congratulating Pierce? Seems a bit sexist to me. 

  


TROY

Congratulations to both of you. 

  


ABED ( _to camera_ )

New character. No idea who this guy is.

  


JEFF

Congratulations to both of you for making a practical business move and becoming married in the eyes of a literal cult. It’s like a fairy tale.

  


SHIRLEY ( _changing the subject_ )

Abed, you look very nice tonight. So handsome. 

  


ABED

Thank you. 

  


Abed and Annie share a brief look. She’s trying not to look at him, and failing.

  


ABED ( _to camera_ )

Haven’t seen her since –

  


**FLASHBACK INT. ABED'S APARTMENT **

Close on ANNIE EDISON, tears streaming down her face. Same shot as before.

  


**INT. RESTAURANT**

Back at the table with Abed.

  


ABED ( _to camera_ )

Except for–

  


**FLASHBACK INT. RESTAURANT LOBBY - Earlier That Night**

Annie and Abed have both just arrived. They lock eyes uncomfortably before awkwardly walking to the table. 

  


**INT. RESTAURANT**

Back at the table with Abed.

  


SHIRLEY

And very… healthy. 

  


ABED ( _into camera)_

She’s trying to figure out how I am. 

  


PIERCE

Wine, anyone?

  


TROY

Oh, No No Juice! Yes, please. 

  


WU MEI

I chose it myself. You’ll love it. 

  


SHIRLEY

None for me, thanks. 

  


JEFF

Me neither, thank you. 

  


WU MEI

Now why on earth would you do that? 

  


PIERCE

Maybe some Scotch for Jeff? You’ve never been one to turn down a drink, c’mon, celebrate–

  


BRITTA ( _oversharing_ )

Pierce, he’s an _alcoholic_. Stop it.

  


Abed raises an eyebrow. He knew that, of course, but he hadn’t realized anyone else did. 

  


ABED ( _into camera)_

Guess he’s finally getting some help then. That’s for the best. He was starting to get uncharacteristically angry and sometimes mildly violent. Nothing too bad, but... I wasn’t a fan.

  


TROY ( _unphased_ )

Oh, fun, my dad’s an alcoholic. And he’s a Jehovah’s Witness, too, so… Loads of fun there.

  


ANNIE

I thought Jehovah’s Witnesses aren’t allowed to drink?

  


TROY ( _realizing he’s overshared_ )

They’re not. But it helps.

  


SHIRLEY

Oh, that’s… not so nice. I’m sorry, pumpkin.

  


TROY

It’s really fine. 

  


BRITTA

I’m sorry, I’m still not sure who you are.

  


JEFF

I think she means we still haven’t been introduced.

( _shaking his hand_ )

Jeff Winger. Outed alcoholic, former lawyer.

  


TROY

Troy Barnes. 

  


JEFF

And what do you do, Troy Barnes?

  


TROY 

I dance. And occasionally I’m a repairman.

  


Abed raises his eyebrows into the camera.

  


SHIRLEY 

And how do you know Pierce and Wu Mei?

  


PIERCE

Troy, Troy, the Wonder Boy. My young, hip friend. Very cool of me to be friends with him, I may add. 

  


JEFF ( _muttering_ )

Don’t think that answered the question. 

  


TROY

I was recently sailing around the world, actually. 

  


Abed cocks his head. 

  


WU MEI

We met Troy about a year ago while Pierce and I were visiting our factories in China.

  


JEFF 

And this is the first we’re hearing of it?

  


PIERCE

I do have a life outside of you, you know. 

  


JEFF

Somehow I doubt that. 

  


BRITTA 

I’ve always wanted to travel like that. Were you doing service work?

  


TROY

Nothing nearly as interesting. 

  


ANNIE

I don’t know about that. Sailing around the world sounds pretty interesting to me. 

  


TROY ( _shaking his head_ ) 

Nah. 

  


JEFF

Troy, trust me on this, whatever it is is a much more interesting story than most of the other things Pierce will try to share about himself tonight. 

  


PIERCE

Eartha Kitt and I—

  


JEFF ( _to Troy_ )

Please.

  


TROY

Well, uh… I was also a Jehovah’s Witness and um… I’m not anymore. I used to play football, and... I don’t anymore. I wanted to see the world, so I took all my savings and just started sailing. 

  


ABED ( _to camera_ )

He’d probably be a better protagonist than me. 

  


JEFF

We must have very different definitions of 'interesting’. 

  


ABED ( _to camera_ )

But I’m the one controlling the medium, so you’re stuck with my thoughts instead.

  


BRITTA

You know, the relationship between religion and—

  


WAITRESS ( _passing by_ )

Can I get you another bottle of champagne?

  


PIERCE

We’ve already ordered wine. 

  


WAITRESS ( _disappointed_ )

Oh, really?

  


ABED

I’ll have tequila. 

  


TROY ( _because of Abed)_

You know, I’ll have a seven and seven.

  


WAITRESS

Oh great! 

  


Looks from all around the table. 

  


PIERCE ( _to Abed)_

I thought you never drank. 

  


Abed finishes off what’s left of his already existing champagne.

  


ANNIE ( _to Troy_ )

So you’ve seen the whole world and you still ended up in Colorado? What made you come here?

  


TROY

Well, I grew up near here. Pierce spoke so highly of Greendale.

( _Beat_ )

And I didn’t know a lot of other people, so...

  


JEFF

Well, I’m sorry that Greendale will inevitably disappoint. 

  


BRITTA

Don’t listen to him, it’s a good place to live. And I would know, I lived in New York.

  


ANNIE

How long have you been back?

  


TROY

Almost a month.

  


JEFF

But why on Earth are you friends with Pierce? Wu Mei I can understand, but _Pierce_?

  


WU MEI

Stick it, Winger.

  


TROY

He actually paid for the second half of my trip. Which I really needed, it is _not_ cheap to travel like that. And he helped me find a place to stay once I got back. 

  


JEFF ( _dumbfounded_ )

Huh. 

  


PIERCE

Maybe you’ll think before you insult me again, Jeff, and you’d also get to know how generous I can be.

  


TROY

Honestly, I’m just—

( _laughing_ )

—really fucking lonely, so thanks, everyone, for letting me join you today. 

  


Polite laughter around the table. 

Abed looks at him again. Really looks at him. 

  


ABED

Are you a real dancer?

  


TROY ( _warmly)_

Yes.

  


SHIRLEY

You’re not a, um, _Neo Buddhist_ , are you?

  


TROY

Nah. I’ve had enough of the ultra-religious crowd. 

( _to Pierce)_ No offense.

  


SHIRLEY ( _lowly_ )

None taken. 

  


PIERCE

The conversion process is fairly simple whenever you change your mind. 

  


WU MEI

All I had to do was pay $10,000 and surrender my eternal soul to Space Buddha. In exchange for eternal life, it’s not so bad.

  


JEFF

Oh, well if that’s all.

  


ABED ( _into camera)_

I’m meant to be an observer in most scenes—

  


TROY ( _directly to Abed_ )

So what do you do?

  


Abed blinks in surprise. 

  


ABED

I run a video rental store downtown. 

  


TROY ( _genuinely excited_ )

That’s awesome!

  


ABED

It is. And it’s been doing much better ever since I started screening movies in the back room on the weekends. Now it’s actually pretty successful.

  


They look at him in disbelief. 

  


ABED ( _CONT’D)_

It is.

( _to camera_ )

It actually is.

  


PIERCE

Allow me to introduce the rest to you, Troy, please. Now, the most interesting thing about Britta here is that she’s secretly a lesbia–!

  


**HARD CUT:**

**EXT. BACK OF RESTAURANT - Alleyway**

Abed is leaning against a brick wall, a candy cigarette hanging loosely from his lips. 

He glances into the camera for a moment. 

Britta walks up next to him. 

  


BRITTA

Smoke break. 

  


Abed holds out his candies. Britta shakes her head. She holds out her own cigarettes. 

  


ABED

No, thanks.

  


BRITTA

Do you want to talk about it? You know I’m always available. 

  


The question hangs in the air. There’s several things she could be referring to. Regardless, they both know his answer. 

He bites down on his candy cigarette. 

  


BRITTA ( _CONT’D_ )

Yeah, I figured. 

  


She takes a drag on her cigarette and holds out an envelope.

  


BRITTA ( _CONT’D_ )

Listen, I got you this.

  


ABED

I don’t need any money. The store actually is doing well. 

  


BRITTA

I know. It’s not money. It’s for you. 

  


He takes it. 

  


ABED ( _genuinely_ )

Thank you.

  


BRITTA

We’ve really missed you, you know.

  


ABED

You’ve seen me.

  


BRITTA

Not enough. Not the same.

I’m glad you came today.

  


Britta lingers for only a moment, and then goes back inside. She’s barely touched her cigarette.

Abed turns around presses his forehead against the wall. Long exhale. Then, 

  


TROY

You smoke?

  


ABED ( _looking up_ )

They’re candy. 

  


TROY

Even better.

( _Beat_ )

Can I have one?

  


Abed passes him a candy cigarette. No one else has ever accepted one from him before. Troy eats it in one quick bite. 

  


TROY

So you’re friends with Pierce, then, are you from around here–?

  


Abed is already walking back to the restaurant. 

  


TROY ( _calling after him_ )

Okay, cool. 

  


Abed freezes. He looks back at him. 

ABED

Cool, cool, cool.

  


**INT. RESTAURANT - Later in the Night**

Both Troy and Abed have returned to their seats. 

  


WU MEI

So, I have a surprise for everyone.

  


Sounds of pleasant surprise from all. Abed leans forward. 

  


WU MEI ( _CONT’D_ )

As you may already know, it is a Neo Buddhist tradition to receive a hand painted portrait before a wedding or special event.

  


JEFF

So that’s why Pierce’s room looks like that of a self-absorbed medieval man. 

  


WU MEI

Since we already have so many of Pierce, I’ve decided to commission a portrait of all of you.

  


SHIRLEY

Oh, that’s nice!

  


JEFF

Is that going to take a long time?

  


WU MEI

The painter will need several sessions with all of you as the models, but we’ll have you do it in small groups. 

  


PIERCE

We’ll tweeter you when we need you. 

  


WU MEI

We’ll text you. But it would be great if we could get a few of you later this week.

  


ANNIE

Well, I’ve been really busy with work, but I’m sure I can find some time.

  


SHIRLEY

How’s work going, Ann-ie?

  


Her eyes light up. 

  


ANNIE

Oh, it’s been great. I really feel like I’m _doing_ something, you know?

  


ABED ( _into camera_ ) 

Hold on. 

  


JEFF

Well, I, for one, can’t wait to read your stuff, Annie. 

  


ABED ( _into camera)_

Something’s different. 

  


TROY

I’m sorry, what do you do?

  


ANNIE

I’m an investigative journalist.

  


This is news to Abed. She’s not looking at him. It’s on purpose. 

  


PIERCE

Wait, no you’re not.

  


ANNIE ( _tight smile_ )

Well, I had a career change, Pierce. Things change. 

  


PIERCE

Why am I the only one who didn’t know about this?

  


Awkward silence. He isn’t the only one.

  


SHIRLEY

Well, like she said, things change. It’s for the best, right Annie?

  


ANNIE ( _quickly_ )

It’s great. I’m doing great. Every negative emotion I have, I just shove it right back down. And I’ve been meeting lots of people. Vaughn’s been great. 

  


ABED ( _into camera)_

Hippie Boyfriend. 

  


Pierce and Britta both grimace.

  


ABED _(CONT’D, into camera)_

There’s history there, but I won’t bore you with needless exposition. 

  


ANNIE

I’ve basically never been better.

( _to Abed, abruptly_ )

You’re so quiet, why are you being so quiet?!

  


ABED ( _surprised)_

I didn’t think it was really my scene. What do you want me to say?

  


ANNIE

I don’t know. 

( _Beat)_

What’re you holding?

  


BRITTA

Um...! Maybe we shouldn’t –

  


ABED

It’s a gift from Britta. 

  


JEFF

Britta, if that’s money that could’ve been used for rent...

  


BRITTA 

It’s not. Let’s just open it another time. 

  


ABED ( _already opening it_ )

Why?

  


TROY

Presents! Fun.

  


PIERCE

Why didn’t I get one?

  


WU MEI

A little rude to give someone else a gift at our engagement dinner, but...

  


SHIRLEY

What is it, Abed?

  


ABED

It’s a voucher for a free counseling session. 

  


( _Beat_ )

I’m not crazy. 

  


BRITTA

Oh, Abed, I know, I just really think it might be good to–

  


ABED ( _interrupting_ ) 

I’m not crazy. 

  


SHIRLEY

I think that was meant to be a bedroom present. 

  


JEFF

I’m sorry, a _what?_

  


SHIRLEY

A present you open alone in your bedroom. 

  


PIERCE ( _to Wu Mei_ )

All my presents are bedroom presents. 

  


TROY ( _earnestly_ )

I think it’s cool.

  


ABED ( _saving face_ ) 

Thanks, Britta. 

  


He pockets the envelope and looks first to the camera, and then to Annie. She suddenly looks very flustered.

  


ANNIE

Shit. 

  


She throws down her napkin and leaves in a hurry. 

  


WAITRESS ( _passing by)_

Do you think she needs anything?

  


JEFF

No. 

  


Abed frowns into the camera. He follows her. 

  


ABED

Sorry. Bathroom.

  


**INT. FANCY RESTAURANT BATHROOM**

Abed enters. He’s been waiting outside the bathroom for several minutes.

  


ABED

Annie? I know I’m not supposed to be in the women’s bathroom, but you’ve been gone a while. Are you angry or just going number 2?

  


He hovers by the only stall with a closed door. He’s not sure if he should knock.

There’s a soft crying from inside.

  


ABED

Annie?

  


ANNIE ( _O.S_ )

Abed.

( _Beat_ )

Is there any chance you have... a pad or something?

  


ABED

No, I don’t menstruate. Should I ask Britta?

  


ANNIE ( _O.S_ )

No. 

( _Sighs_ )

Damn it.

  


ABED

There’s paper towels. 

  


ANNIE ( _O.S_ )

That’s... fine. Pass them, please, _don’t_ look. 

  


ABED ( _grabbing them_ )

I won’t. 

  


The lock clicks. He opens the door and tries to hand her the towels with his eyes closed. He misses her hand.

  


ANNIE ( _O.S, hysterically_ )

Just _give_ them to me, Abed, please!

  


Abed reflexively opens his eyes to hand them to her.

There’s blood. And a lot of it. The audience doesn’t see any of it, but based off of the look on Abed’s face, it’s bad.

  


ABED

Annie...

  


She slams the door shut. 

  


ANNIE ( _O.S_ )

Please, _please_ , leave!

  


ABED

Annie, I don’t think that’s normal. 

  


ANNIE ( _O.S_ )

And how would you know?

  


Beat. 

  


ABED

I think you need to go to the hospital. 

  


ANNIE ( _O.S_ , _sharply, still crying_ )

I’m fine. 

  


ABED

I know you’re mad at me, but I really think–

  


ANNIE ( _O.S_ )

I’m fine. Okay? I’m fine. It’s fine.

  


She exits the stall. She fights for a look of control on her face. 

  


ANNIE ( _CONT’D)_

Okay. 

  


ABED

Annie. 

  


ANNIE

Okay. It’s okay. 

  


She washes her hands.

  


ABED

Annie, you know how I feel about doctors. I really think you need to go to a hospital. 

( _gently_ )

Now. 

  


Annie nods and takes a deep breath. 

  


ANNIE

Okay. 

  


ABED

Okay. 

  


ANNIE

Don’t tell anyone.

  


ABED

Just grab your jacket and we can leave.

  


They exit the room together. 

  


**INT. RESTAURANT**

Moments later. Abed and Annie arrive at the table. 

Idle chatter from the table. It is fuzzy and far away to Abed. 

Annie stands behind her chair and puts her hand on her coat. Suddenly, she sits down and eagerly reaches for a glass of wine. She takes a sip for the first time that night.

  


JEFF

Welcome back, Annie. 

  


Pierce

Took you long enough. 

  


Abed stands stunned next to his own chair. 

Annie takes another long sip from her glass. 

  


PIERCE

Looks like someone got into the party spirit. Atta girl, Annie. 

  


BRITTA ( _joking)_

What happened in the bathroom, huh?

  


ABED

No. Um. 

  


He looks to the camera for help. No results. 

  


ANNIE

Just— Sit down, Abed. Have a drink. 

  


ABED

I—

  


ANNIE

Sit. Down. 

  


He does. In shock. 

The following dialogue happens very loudly and gets progressively faster. It's dizzying to the audience and to Abed.

  


BRITTA

Guess you two are alright, then. 

  


ANNIE

We just realized what a monumental day this is!

  


SHIRLEY

Oh, you kids, I knew you’d be fine.

  


Abed fiddles with his glass uncomfortably.

  


BRITTA

We were just asking Troy about Venice. He says it’s beautiful. 

  


TROY ( _hesitantly)_

It really is. 

  


ANNIE

I’ve _always_ wanted to go. Maybe I will soon. 

  


SHIRLEY

Oh, please, take me with you if you do.

  


ANNIE

Of course, Shirley, we could even do a girls’ trip—

  


ABED ( _loudly)_

Annie, _stop it._

  


Everyone looks at him. They are confused. 

Abed is visibility distraught, near destroyed.

  


TROY ( _gentle)_

Are you okay?

  


ABED

Yes, I – Well, no, it’s –

  


Annie shakes her head.

  


BRITTA ( _gesturing between Abed and Annie)_

Is this about whatever happened…

  


ABED

No. No, it’s...

  


PIERCE 

He does this sometimes. It’s probably another movie thing. 

  


ABED

No, it’s not, it’s… something else. 

  


JEFF

Did something happen?

  


ANNIE ( _overcompensating)_

Nothing’s happened.

  


ABED

 _Something’s_ happened. 

  


TROY

I’m confused. 

  


SHIRLEY

So am I...

  


ABED

It’s just that I.. I–

  


JEFF

Are we sure this isn’t an homage? Should I be worried right now?

  


ABED

It’s just.. I got a…

  


ANNIE

He’s fine. 

  


ABED

I got a call in the bathroom, and…

  


BRITTA

This is a safe space. 

  


ABED

I got a call and…

  


Abed realizes for the first time the full weight of what happened in the bathroom. 

  


ABED ( _CONT’D)_

...and my… girlfriend… had a … miscarriage. 

  


Brief silence.

Annie looks hurt. 

Abed is disgusted by himself.

The rest of the table erupts.

  


JEFF

 _What_?!

  


SHIRLEY

Oh, honey!

  


BRITTA

What is happening?! I didn’t even know you had a girlfriend!

  


PIERCE

I always just assumed you were gay. 

  


JEFF ( _scathing)_

_Pierce._

  


BRITTA

You should go to her.

  


SHIRLEY

You both should go to the hospital. 

  


ABED

I didn’t mean to reveal that for dramatic effect. That was inappropriate. 

  


He looks at Annie.

  


ABED _(CONT’D)_

And apparently I’d prefer to stay here and drink wine and talk. 

  


ANNIE

He’s fine. Let him do what he wants to do. 

_(off their looks)_

It was very early stages.

  


JEFF

You knew?

  


BRITTA

I thought you guys weren't talking to each other.

  


TROY

You should really go. I can pay for you. I’ll cover you. 

  


Abed’s maintaining his tight grip on his glass. 

  


ABED

This is not the way I predicted tonight going. 

  


PIERCE

You’re telling me. 

  


WU MEI

Probably ectopic.

_(seriously)_

So sad. 

  


TROY

Do you need someone to drive you? Where is she?

  


JEFF

I can take him. 

  


BRITTA

We all can. Abed, c’mon.

  


ABED

No. 

  


SHIRLEY

Honey, we can help you. We can help both of you, now where—

  


He looks at Annie. She shakes her head again. 

Abed squeezes his hand in frustration and the wine glass explodes. Shards of glass explode all over the table and slice his hand. Abed pulls back in pain. Various screams.

As he pulls his hand back, it flies and hits the passing WAITRESS in the face. More screaming. 

  


SHIRLEY

Oh, _Lord!_

  


**HARD CUT:**

**INT. FANCY RESTAURANT BATHROOM**

The same scene as the opening. No music this time.

Wide shot of ABED NADIR washing his hands.

Close up of the sink. We see the blood seeping from his right hand. He dabs paper towels at the wound and grimaces. The camera catches this expression in the mirror and Abed himself stares at his reflection. 

Soft knock on the door. 

  


TROY ( _O.S, kindly_ )

Can I do anything?

  


ABED

No, thank you.

  


TROY ( _O.S_ )

It’s just me. They’re all outside, so…

  


Abed grabs a few more paper towels and dries his hands, holding them to his wound in an attempt to stop the bleeding. He continues to watch himself in the mirror. 

Then, he passes the paper towel to the Waitress, who is sitting on the floor. 

  


WAITRESS

Thank you.

  


**INT. OUTSIDE OF BATHROOM**

Abed opens the door and sees Troy. 

  


TROY

Hi. I got your stuff. 

  


ABED ( _taking it)_

Oh. Thank you. 

  


TROY

Are you okay?

  


Abed frowns. To cover for Annie, he’s almost adopted a new persona, someone who has had a terrible thing happen to them, and he doesn’t know how to act in character. He doesn’t know the answer even as himself. 

  


ABED

Yes. 

  


TROY

I’m pretty sure they’re all hovering by the front door waiting for you. They don’t know I’m here. 

  


ABED

Okay. 

  


He goes to move, but Troy stops him and hands him a napkin with his contact info scribbled on it. 

  


TROY

I know you could probably just get my info from Pierce, but.. if you ever need someone…

  


Abed takes it and walks out onto the street without another word. 

  


**EXT. Outside Restaurant - Streets of Greendale**

Abed turns and sees Britta, Shirley and Jeff. Further behind them, Pierce and Wu Mei. They call out to him, and he immediately moves in the other direction. 

They are almost caught up to him when...

  


ANNIE _(O.S)_

Hey!

She waves to him, leaning out of an Uber. 

Long shot of Abed running to the car. 

  


**INT. Uber**

Abed climbs into the seat next to Annie.

  


ABED

Thank you. 

  


ANNIE

Do you still live above the store?

  


Abed nods. He leans forward to speak to the driver. 

  


ABED

Can you take us to the nearest hospital, please?

  


He nods. Annie does not object. 

They look out the windows. 

Long pause. 

  


ANNIE

Troy seems cool. 

Despite everything, she’s almost smiling. 

  


ABED

Yeah. 

  


He glances into the camera. 

His lips twitch upward.

** End of Episode 1 **


	2. Episode 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Troy and Abed get to know each other. Abed goes to therapy.

**EPISODE 2**

**INT. Abed’s Apartment**

Open on a Close Up of Abed’s hand holding the napkin.

He watches it for a long time. He’s brought the napkin out to stare at it several times already.

He sets it down, and we pan out to see he is standing in front of a bookshelf filled with DVDs – his own personal collection. He looks at them with a sense of reverence. They may as well be scriptures.

He runs a finger along one row of DVDs and the camera follows him. We catch a glimpse at a few titles. _You’ve Got Mail, She’s All That, Moulin Rouge, 10 Things I Hate About You, Sleepless in Seattle,_ etc. It’s overwhelmingly straight and white.

His finger drops to the row below. _Brokeback Mountain, The Children’s Hour, My Own Private Idaho, The Boys in the Band—_

He pulls his hand away suddenly. This selection is not much better, and even worse, most of them are tragic. He clicks his tongue unhappily.

We follow his hand back to the first row. He pulls out a disc, but the title is hidden.

ABED ( _into camera_ )

Don’t judge me. I’m not happy about it.

The movie’s title, _I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry,_ is revealed.

ABED ( _into camera_ )

I said don’t judge me.

_**TITLE CARD: [THIS IS A LOVE STORY]** _

**INT. Abed’s Video Store**

Wide shot of Abed sweeping large amounts of popcorn off the floor. Just an hour ago, the movie room in the back had been packed with people.

Annie watches him, still in shock even after all the people have left.

ANNIE

It really is successful.

ABED

Yeah. I pick good movies. People really like Harrison Ford.

ANNIE

No, I think it’s you they like. They’re even renting the DVDs. _DVDS._

ABED

I guess they are.

ANNIE

I always knew it was going to work out. I really did.

ABED

Are you sure you’re okay?

He glances at her outfit.

ABED ( _CONT’D)_

You’re wearing pants. The deviation from your standard costume choices usually means it’s serious.

ANNIE

Maybe I’m just being professional for the portrait.

ABED

You can be professional and still wear skirts and dresses.

( _Beat)_

Does Vaughn know?

ANNIE

You’re not supposed to tell anyone in the first twelve weeks.

ABED

I’m pretty sure you can tell the father.

ANNIE

Well, he doesn’t know, and I’d really, really like to keep it that way.

ABED

Does anyone else–

ANNIE

No.

ABED

Have you at least gone back to the doctor’s?

ANNIE

I don’t want to talk about it. And I really don’t want anyone else to know. You have it. It’s yours now.

ABED

But it’s not actually mine.

ANNIE

Well, you took it, and you told them, so now you have it.

( _Beat)_

Sometimes I used to think you’d be better at dealing with awful things, anyways. You’ve seen enough movies.

Abed raises his eyebrows. Interesting theory, but he doesn’t think it’s true. He also thinks that she knows that as well.

ANNIE ( _CONT’D)_

Abed, what you did at that dinner… You should not have done that. You _really_ shouldn’t have.

( _Beat)_

Thank you.

ABED

I’m sorry that we were fighting and I wasn’t there for you sooner.

She gives him a tight-lipped smile.

ABED ( _CONT’D)_

For the record, a story comes from characters working to solve their problems. In whatever form that takes.

That’s all you were trying to do before. Move the story along.

ANNIE

I really was worried about you, too. But I never wanted to fight.

ABED

I didn’t either.

Near silence. It’s not a perfect apology on either side. But it’s enough to make them both feel a bit better.

ANNIE

I guess we can try to… be ourselves again.

ABED

Annie-and-Abed.

ANNIE

 _For the record_ , I get why you didn’t want to talk about it before.

ABED

I get why you wanted me to.

_(Beat)_

I still don’t want to talk about it, though.

ANNIE ( _quickly)_

No, me neither. I really just don’t want anyone to make a big deal about any of this.

**HARD CUT:**

**INT. HAWTHORNE MANSION - Painting Room**

WU MEI

Awful. Just awful.

Annie and Abed sit on a bench, in one of Pierce’s many rooms. They’re being watched by Pierce, Wu Mei, and a NEO BUDDHIST PAINTER who is working on the portrait.

WU MEI ( _CONT’D)_

You must feel terrible.

ABED

I’d rather not talk about it if that’s okay.

WU MEI

Of course.

PIERCE

You know, Abed, you really shouldn’t feel too bad. You’re probably just like me. I have hyper virile sperm, it just shoots straight through the egg.

ANNIE ( _muttering_ )

Uh oh.

ABED

Despite your airtight scientific logic, Pierce, I don’t think that’s it.

PIERCE

Who is the little lady, anyways? I really did think you were gay.

ABED _(into camera)_

To be fair, there’s a reason for that.

( _to Pierce)_

I really don’t want to talk about it.

PIERCE

Lady troubles. I understand.

WU MEI

But you two will still come to the garden party, right?

ABED

Maybe.

ANNIE

Of course. I wouldn’t miss it for the world.

PIERCE

Any chance either one of you is interested in bringing food?

Abed and Annie share a look.

ANNIE

We’ll figure something out.

PAINTER

I’m sorry, could you turn to the right?

Abed turns, exposing his side profile to the painter.

PAINTER _(CONT’D)_

Little more.

He turns again.

PAINTER _(CONT’D)_

Little more.

He turns so that his back is completely turned to the painter.

PAINTER _(CONT’D)_

Perfect.

WU MEI

It looks lovely.

Abed makes a face into the camera. He’s not really hurt, more amused.

ABED ( _into camera_ )

Pierce doesn’t always get me. In fact, he rarely understands what I’m talking about at any given moment. So this makes sense. It’s almost comical, actually.

Close Shot of Annie hand reaching out to Abed’s. Their pinkies meet.

Reaction Shot of Abed. Just the hint of a smile.

**INT. HALLWAY - HAWTHORNE MANSION**

Hours later. Annie and Abed are leaving.

ANNIE

Hey, I’ve really gotta run. Are you okay if I take off?

ABED

That’s fine.

She squeezes his upper arm. Small smile. She exits.

Abed lingers in the hallway, studying the art.

Abed’s POV: There’s several portraits of a young Pierce, and a few of an older woman and an even older man with an ivory headpiece who we are meant to assume are PIERCE’S PARENTS. There’s also several small tables with statues and other objects lining the hallways – most creepily, a set of small troll figurines. Closest to Abed is a small stand with a lava lamp on top.

It’s clearly been taken good care of. There is no dust and there’s little lights shining on it from the base of the stand.

Close Up on the plaque in front of the lamp. It reads _Energon Pod,_ and then in smaller letters beneath it, _from the Temple of Renewal, entrusted to Mr. Piercinald Hawthorne. May those you love always be close._

Close on Abed’s face. He can’t stop looking at it. He can’t stop reading the inscription. The longer he does, the more he feels. He can’t quite put his finger on what it is, not quite anger, not quite resentment, not quite longing, and none of it appropriate as a reaction to this lava lamp.

Still, he grimaces and then grabs it and hides it underneath his cardigan in one unplanned movement.

TROY ( _O.S)_

I thought I heard voices.

Abed whips around.

His POV: Troy stands at the end of the hallway, looking at him. He’s unaware of the lava lamp.

ABED

Troy! What are you doing here?

TROY

Remember when I said Pierce helped me find a place to live?

ABED

Yes.

TROY

That place is one of his spare rooms.

ABED

That actually makes a lot of sense.

TROY

Do you want to come in? I’ve got a couple of Code Reds if you want one.

Abed nods.

**INT. TROY’S BEDROOM**

Wide Shot as Abed walks into Troy’s bedroom and sits down on the bed. Troy sits opposite him, on the corner of his desk.

Abed’s POV: He looks at the knick-knacks around the room. There’s little things from all over the world, but other than that, the room is essentially empty.

Abed focuses in on the corner of a little flag on the top of his book shelf. It’s barely visible, but looks colorful. It might be a pride flag, it might not be.

ABED ( _into camera)_

Hm.

TROY

I’ve been thinking of you.

ABED ( _into camera)_

Likewise.

TROY

I’m really sorry for your loss.

ABED

Oh, yes. That’s right.

TROY

Is your girlfriend okay?

ABED

Well, she’s not really… around.

Small, understanding smile from Troy.

TROY

I get it. Still, I’m sure it’s not easy.

( _Beat_ )

Pierce said once that life is changed, not ended. I mean, I’m not too smart about a lot of stuff, but I liked that. Even if it is probably just a weird, Reformed Neo Buddhist thing.

ABED

You seem pretty smart to me.

Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom said change is like death, you don’t know what it looks like until you’re standing at the gates.

( _Beat_ )

I’m sorry. Me responding to your personal quote with something from a lackluster sequel probably seems insensitive. I meant it to be genuine.

TROY

I like movies. I don’t think I know them _that_ well, but I like them.

( _Beat_ )

I meant what I said, I’m available if you ever want to talk. Or just watch some TV. But it seems like you’ve got pretty good friends taking care of you already.

ABED

They’re pretty awesome most of the time.

TROY

They must be, if they gave you that free counseling session.

Abed makes a face of disgust.

ABED

That was misguided. I’m not crazy.

TROY

I know. It’s still a nice gift. I’d use it, if it were me.

( _Beat)_

I don’t mean to overstep.

ABED

You mean well.

A pause.

TROY

Sorry, I’ll get the Code Reds, then.

Troy moves to one of his cabinets and he jumps up multiple times to try and reach the top. As he’s jumping, Abed looks into the camera - it is almost too much to handle.

Finally, he’s able to retrieve two Code Red cans. He gives one to Abed.

TROY

Sorry, it’s a little warm. I have to hide them up here so Pierce doesn’t take them.

ABED

That’s fine.

They clink their cans together, open them, and take their first sips in unison. They don’t break eye contact during this. It’s a little awkward to do so, but they can’t bear to look away.

ABED ( _CONT’D)_

So you’re Pierce’s cool friend? Are you a normal person?

TROY

No, I’m a disgraced former football player with no friends, are _you_ a normal person?

ABED

Definitely not.

They share a small smile. Then they both speak at the same time.

ABED

You first.

TROY

Are you going to the garden party?

ABED

Maybe. I don’t know yet.

Pierce asked me to bring food.

TROY

He asked me to bring food, too. Even though I live here. I think he’s trying to avoid paying for catering, even as rich as he is.

You should go. I need someone to talk to.

Abed is touched by this.

TROY ( _CONT’D)_

What were you going to say?

ABED

You said you were a repairman sometimes. What do you fix?

TROY

Air Conditioners, mostly. Sometimes plumbing. But between you and me, I can fix almost anything like that.

ABED

Anything?

TROY

Anything. As long as someone needs it to be fixed, I’ll give it a go.

Abed is equally as touched by this.

ABED

There’s a similar philosophy in Inspector Spacetime. The Inspector and his Constable travel all of time and space and vow to help anyone who needs them.

TROY

I’ve never seen that.

Abed’s jaw drops.

TROY ( _CONT’D)_

But I’d really like to one day! If you want to watch it together.

ABED

Cool. Cool, cool, cool.

( _into camera)_

Oh, God. I like him.

**INT. THERAPIST'S OFFICE**

Abed sits in a large, ornate chair uncomfortably. Across from him is an older woman, the THERAPIST.

Abed fidgets.

Most of the following dialogue is quick and deadpan.

THERAPIST

So, what brings you to today’s session?

ABED

Britta gave me a voucher. Britta is my friend.

THERAPIST

Is that a joke?

ABED

No.

THERAPIST

It’s best not to make jokes in here. Just to make sure nothing gets lost in translation.

ABED

Noted. I’ll do my best.

THERAPIST

Is that a joke?

ABED

It is not.

Beat.

THERAPIST

Why do you think your friend Britta suggested you come here today?

ABED

Probably because my best friend Annie, who is also my former roommate, moved out of our apartment and stopped talking to me until recently when she had a miscarriage at our other friend’s engagment dinner. And also because Britta thinks I retreated from the group. The group is like my found family - they’re the center of the TV show of my life. It’s a little bit of a cliche, but I’d say ‘found family’ is the accurate term.

Also possibly she suggested it because I’ve spent most of my life using TV and movies to deflect from the many confusing emotions inside my empty heart.

( _into camera)_

Maybe I’m good at therapy. I spent most of my childhood practicing what not to do. And I’ve seen more movies now. My theory is if I’m upfront, there’s nothing left for her to do.

THERAPIST

Did you?

ABED

Did I what?

THERAPIST

Retreat from the group.

Silence.

THERAPIST ( _CONT’D)_

You said the group is like your ‘found family.’ Do you have any other family?

ABED

Yes.

THERAPIST

Are you close?

Abed falters.

THERAPIST ( _CONT’D)_

Apparently not. Do you talk to your found family about this?

ABED

I don’t need to talk to them about that.

THERAPIST

Do you talk to them about any of your personal issues?

ABED

I help them with their plot lines all the time. And I tell them all about my movies and shows.

THERAPIST

Do you have anyone to talk to?

ABED ( _glancing at camera_ )

Yes.

THERAPIST

Do you see them a lot?

ABED

They're always there.

( _looking into camera_ )

They're _always_ there.

THERAPIST

You find that funny?

ABED

You’re analyzing me.

( _Beat)_

I want to exchange the voucher for money.

THERAPIST

It's a bit late for that now.

ABED

I've only been here five minutes. I want the money.

She raises an eyebrow. She’s not stopping now.

THERAPIST

So you don’t talk to your family about your problems, found or otherwise, but you do have someone to talk to. Is it romantic?

Abed stops thinking of the audience and instead thinks of Troy.

ABED

Maybe. It could be.

THERAPIST

Oh?

ABED

I don’t know. I may not see him again.

THERAPIST

Are you in love with him?

Abed laughs, startled. Brief **FLASHBACK** of Troy from the previous scene, smiling.

ABED

Well, I— No. I hardly know him. Love at first sight is a common trope but it’s unrealistic.

THERAPIST

That question was funny to you?

ABED

I don’t—

THERAPIST

Not a romantic?

ABED

No.

THERAPIST

Just a boy with a TV fixation and an empty heart.

( _Beat)_

By your own description.

ABED

I… I have stuff in my heart.

THERAPIST

Yes, ‘many confusing emotions,’ you said.

Beat.

ABED

So what, you’re going to tell me not to go see him, aren’t you? Or you’re going to tell me it’s unhealthy to fixate on people I barely know. Maybe both.

THERAPIST

Now why would I do that?

Silence. Neither one of them wants to give in.

Finally, Abed relents.

ABED

I don’t think I’m really suited for a romantic arc. Not right now.

Maybe not ever.

THERAPIST

Oh?

ABED

I’ve run the simulations. I don’t get married.

THERAPIST

Have you really run the simulations or are you just scared of the scenario?

Beat.

ABED

Aren’t you going to try to tell me what to do? Or tell me what’s wrong with me? You’re a therapist, right? That’s the purpose they serve in most narratives. And in my own experience.

THERAPIST

You already know what you’re going to do. Everyone does. They’ve already decided what they’re going to do.

ABED

Then what’s the point of you? That makes this a useless scene and you a useless character.

THERAPIST ( _pausing)_

You know what you’re going to do.

ABED

No, I don’t.

THERAPIST

Yes, you do.

ABED

I don’t. Unless you mean that I’m just sticking to the script of my narrative, but I don’t know what the next plot line is, therefore I don’t know what I’m going to do next.

THERAPIST

You do.

ABED

I really don’t.

THERAPIST

You do.

ABED

I don’t—!

**HARD CUT:**

**EXT. PIERCE’S BACKYARD - Garden Party**

Later that week.

WU MEI

Welcome back.

ABED _(into camera)_

Shut up.

Abed hands Wu Mei a tupperware of microwavable food.

ABED

Here you go. This has been in my freezer for almost 2 years. I was saving it for a special occasion.

WU MEI

...Thank you, Abed.

PIERCE

C’mon, Abed, you wouldn’t want to miss the performance. There’s a traditional Neo Buddhist band playing The Song of the Space Buddha.

ABED

Sounds moving.

Pierce and Wu Mei lead him through the garden to where the rest of the group, Troy, and other unnamed ATTENDEES.

TROY

Abed! You made it!

He puts a hand on Abed’s arm.

ABED ( _into camera_ )

Arm touch.

 _(to Troy_ )

Of course I did. How’s it been so far?

TROY

Fine. Better now that you’re here.

Abed looks into the camera and blows out all of the air in his lungs.

SHIRLEY

He-llo, Abed. So good to see you.

ANNIE

Hey, Abed.

They smile warmly at each other and the rest of the group, particularly Britta, takes note of this.

ABED

Hello, everyone.

BRITTA

I’m glad you’re here, Abed.

PIERCE

The band is starting!

The camera pans across their faces as a low, confusing sound, primarily bassons, begins to play.

**FADE TO:**

**EXT. PIERCE’S BACKYARD - Later That Night**

The sun is almost setting.

Shirley and Abed are engrossed in conversation. We don’t hear what they’re saying as The Song of the Space Buddha slowly fades out. Abed occasionally sips from a glass of champagne.

As the song reaches its end, Shirley gives him a hug goodbye, and exits.

Troy moves in.

TROY

Hey.

ABED

Hey.

TROY

Do you want to go somewhere else? People in blue robes and strange hats keep saying weird stuff to me.

ABED

I’d love to.

**EXT. PIERCE’S FRONT YARD - Hidden Bench**

Troy and Abed sit side by side. Troy is walking Abed through what we the audience know will be their special handshake for the very first time. Abed shuffles his feet.

ABED

I like the handshake. It can be like our special thing.

TROY

Yes, exactly!

ABED

Did you learn that while traveling?

TROY

No. Just something I always wanted to do with someone. A secret special friend handshake.

ABED

Me too.

TROY

You don’t learn much about secret handshakes while traveling, at least in my experience. But you do learn a lot about rope burn and sea sickness.

ABED

So why go, then?

TROY

Because you think it’ll make you a man. Because it gives you an excuse to leave your hometown and not talk to anyone for a while. Makes it seem like it’s your choice if your family’s not speaking to you. Also because it’s beautiful and you eat a lot of really good food.

ABED

So should I give up everything and sail the world then?

TROY

No, God, definitely not.

ABED

Why not? It seemed to work for you.

TROY

Well, for one thing, I just got here. You can’t leave now. Also it’s lonely. I don’t recommend it unless it’s absolutely necessary.

ABED

It was absolutely necessary for you?

Beat.

TROY ( _seriously)_

Yes.

ABED

How do you know it’s not necessary for me?

Troy is about to answer, and then gets a glimpse of something on the ground and jumps up screaming.

TROY

What was that? It was a rat, wasn’t it?

ABED ( _looking_ )

I don’t know.

TROY

Quick, shine something.

Abed moves and it makes Troy scream again.

TROY ( _CONT’D_ )

No, I'm not being funny, rats have been after me for _years_. It's like they have a pact or something. I'm not kidding! I was in a hostel, a hostel in Europe, and there were _rats_ living underneath the beds! And once, when I was in Korea, I woke up just feeling weird, like there might be a rat in the room, and I looked up and there were 4 rats underneath my window looking up, right at me like, ‘You, we're watching you.’

ABED

I’ll protect you from any rats. I don’t mind them.

TROY

Agh, how could you say that?! They’re evil and... unpopular.

ABED ( _mostly joking_ )

Some people have said the same about me.

Troy’s face drops.

TROY

Well, that’s not fair. Now I kind of want to give them a chance.

Beat. They settle back onto the bench.

ABED

Anyways. You were talking about sailing.

TROY

Oh, yeah. It’s lonely. Isn’t that what I was saying?

ABED

Something like that. That bad, huh?

TROY

Sort of. I got out of the house and I saw the world and became a man and all that. So I got what I wanted. And the world _is_ beautiful. And it led me back here, to this bench.

( _Beat)_

So no, wasn’t not all bad. There’s some good parts. Otherwise I wouldn’t have kept up with it.

ABED

I’m glad you’re here, and not off in Greece or Thailand or something. I’m glad you made it here.

TROY

I’m glad Pierce offered me a place. I really don’t know where else I’d go.

ABED

You really didn’t meet anyone you liked while you were out there? No one you could stay with?

TROY

Oh sure. Plenty of times.

ABED

So what did you do?

TROY

Oh, you know, the usual. Talk, laugh, escape garden parties, tell them about my issues with rats.

( _Beat)_

And then I always had somewhere else to go.

ABED

What if you met someone you really liked?

( _Beat_ )

Someone you could love.

Beat. They gaze softly at each other.

TROY ( _not answering)_

I’m really glad we’re friends now, Abed.

ABED

I’m glad we’re friends now too, Troy.

He looks into the camera. Both happy and sad, grateful and disappointed.

Troy follows his gaze.

TROY

What was that?

ABED

What?

TROY

Where did you just go? You just went somewhere.

Abed looks into the camera again.

TROY ( _CONT’D_ )

There. Where did you just go?

ABED ( _back to Troy)_

Nowhere.

TROY ( _not believing him, but letting it go)_

Okay.

Suddenly, there’s a scurrying on the ground by their feet. They both jump up and scream.

** END OF EPISODE 2 **


	3. Episode 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> At Britta's suggestion, the study group attends a silent weekend retreat. Annie deals with a personal issue.

**EPISODE 3**

**INT. ANNIE’S CAR**

Abed in the passenger seat. Annie’s driving. 

  


ANNIE

Are you sure you know where we’re going?

  


ABED

Pretty sure. Should be three turns away.

( _pointing suddenly_ )

Look, there. Mindful Farm.

  


The car makes a sharp turn. 

  


ANNIE

That was not three turns away. 

  


ABED

I still got us there. 

( _Beat)_

Do you want to be the Inspector and Geneva this weekend?

  


Annie laughs and then cries.

  


ANNIE ( _crying)_

Don’t make this fun!

  


ABED

You’re crying.

( _into camera)_

Sometimes, Annie is the most intense out of all of us. And that’s saying something. She can have these really concentrated breakdowns over things like pens and DVD games.

But of course, like most humans, she also has breakdowns over larger issues. Not sure what this is.

( _to Annie_ )

Is it work or… Vaughn? Or…

  


ANNIE

I’m fine. It’s fine.

  


ABED

If you say so. 

  


ANNIE

Yes, I do, Abed. 

It’s just sometimes… I just...

  


ABED

...need to have a moment–

  


ANNIE

You don’t always know what I’m going to say, Abed. You don’t know everything about me. 

  


ABED

Right. Sorry. 

( _into camera)_

...need to have a moment to feel things, she’s fine. 

  


ANNIE

Sometimes I just need to have a moment to… _feel_ things, okay? I’m fine.

  


ABED

Okay. 

  


ANNIE ( _pulling herself together)_

I know I look crazy, but I’m fine. It’s okay. I’m fine.

  


She keeps driving.

Abed looks wide-eyed into the camera. 

  


ABED ( _into camera)_

Sounds like she’s fine.

  


_**TITLE CARD: [THIS IS A LOVE STORY]** _

  


**EXT. FARMHOUSE DOORSTEP**

Abed, Annie, Shirley, Jeff, and Britta all wait on the doorstep. Jeff rings the doorbell. No response. He rings it again. 

  


JEFF

Well, we’re off to a great start, Britta.

  


BRITTA

Oh, shut up.

  


JEFF ( _looking out into countryside)_

We’re all going to die out here. 

  


BRITTA

Look, historically, we have not been very good at weddings. We need this self-reflection. I don’t want to make a scene at Pierce’s. 

  


SHIRLEY

I don’t want to sound ungrateful, but I think a few good prayers could accomplish just about the same thing.

  


BRITTA

You guys, silent retreats really work. One of my anarchist friends did one and she said it changed her life.

  


JEFF

Sure. 

  


BRITTA

Let’s not pretend like there hasn’t been tension within the group, either. 

  


Annie and Abed shift awkwardly. 

  


BRITTA ( _CONT’D_ )

And hey, whoever has Pierce’s Energon whatever, just give it back. He will not stop texting about it. And he really seems to think it’s Abed. 

  


ABED

It’s not. 

( _into camera)_

I’m lying. 

  


SHIRLEY

Are we sure he didn’t just misplace it? Pierce loses things all the time. Remember when he thought one of us took his Eagles CD?

  


JEFF

Look, we all know that Pierce mentally checked into Hotel California a long time ago, but for whatever reason, he really seems stuck on this Energon, lava lamp whatever. So if anyone has it just return it and let’s end this madness.

  


ABED _(into camera)_

Did I take Pierce’s lava lamp, and is it now sitting at my apartment with my DVDs? Yes. Can I explain why I took it? No. Can I explain why I still have it? Also no. Am I asking myself easy questions to seem smarter even though I don’t actually have any answers? Yes. Classic trope.

( _to the group)_

We’ve been waiting here a really long time.

  


Just then, the door opened, revealing the RETREAT LEADER. 

  


ALL ( _overly cheery)_

_Hi!, Hello!, Thank you so much, etc._

  


LEADER

Welcome to Mindful Farms. 

  


**INT. MINDFUL FARMS FRONT DESK**

Moments later. The leader checks them all in. 

  


LEADER

How lucky you all are. I hope after this weekend you feel well rested and inspired.

  


JEFF 

Do you have WiFi?

  


LEADER

No.

  


ABED

TV?

  


LEADER

We like to keep the outside world out. You’ll learn to appreciate it in the end. 

  


ABED ( _to Britta)_

You’re dead to me.

  


The Retreat Leader slides 3 sets of keys across the counter. 

  


LEADER

So we’ve got two double rooms, one single—

  


Shirley snatches the single room key.

  


SHIRLEY ( _sweetly)_

Thank you.

  


Jeff and Britta gag at each other. Abed grabs his and Annie’s key. 

  


**INT. GUEST ROOM**

Abed and Annie unpack their belongings. 

Halfway through, Annie sits on the bed and checks her phone. 

  


ABED

I don’t think you’re supposed to check your phone.

  


ANNIE

They can’t control us in our own rooms. 

  


She smiles at whatever’s on her phone. Neither Abed nor the audience can see it.

  


ABED

Do you remember back at our apartment when we used to have sleepovers in the blanket fort?

( _correcting himself)_

My apartment. 

  


ANNIE

Yeah, I do. 

  


ABED

We were weird. 

  


ANNIE

We used to do that all the time.

  


Pause. They both return to unpacking. 

  


**INT. MEDITATION ROOM**

Wide Shot of the group and OTHERS are seated on cushions on the floor.

Medium Shot of the Retreat Leader speaking to them.

  


LEADER

Welcome to the Breath of Silence Retreat. Now is the time to let it go. Open up your senses, close your mouth and live now.

The first major consideration is why are you here? Can anyone here answer that question?

  


BRITTA ( _showing off)_

I want to shut the noise out and reconnect to my inner thoughts on the road to feeling more at one with myself. 

  


LEADER

Excellent attitude. 

  


JEFF

I’m being forced to be here so we don’t make a scene at a wedding.

  


LEADER

Well, you're in the right place. And this weekend is about being mindful. It's about leaving your voice in your head.

  


ABED ( _into camera)_

...and trapping your thoughts in your skull.

  


LEADER 

Firstly, we're going to teach you how to breathe. Then we will have our meditations and we will find our sanctuary in the partaking of menial tasks, all in perfect silence. Principal rule is no talking. Under no other circumstances must you communicate, even with each other. 

  


ABED

What about an emergency?

  


LEADER

Thank you all for coming here today. No matter what happens, a word must not be heard.

  


**INT. MEDITATION ROOM**

Later that day. 

Everyone is seated across from a partner - Annie and Abed are together. 

  


LEADER

And now, hands up! Mirror your palms. Look each other in the eye. And… touch.

  


They bring their hands forward. Abed waggles his eyebrows because he thinks it will make her laugh. It doesn’t. 

  


ABED ( _into camera_ )

Hm.

  


**MONTAGE:**

Several clips of all participants performing manual labor around the farm. Pulling weeds in the yard and running away from bees, washing windows, meditating. The final clip of this montage shows them hand washing the floor. 

  


ANNIE ( _hushed)_

I don’t even do this at my own place. What is this?

  


JEFF ( _matching her)_

Oh, it’s very simple. We’ve paid them to let us clean their house in silence.

  


Annie does the same thing she did in the car. Laughing and then crying. Sobbing. 

  


LEADER

Shh!

  


Abed looks in the camera, concerned. 

  


**INT. MEDITATION ROOM**

Everyone is sitting on a cushion with their eyes closed, save for Abed, who watches the room. 

  


LEADER

Delve into your past. Think of something you can’t let go of. 

  


She notices that Abed’s eyes are open, and motions for him to close them. Reluctantly, he does. 

  


LEADER ( _CONT’D_ )

A moment of noise. A moment of tension. 

  


**FLASHBACK \- INT. QUIET ROOM**

We see both a toddler’s and an adult’s hand reaching out for each other. The toddler is holding a Batman action figure. 

  


**INT. MEDITATION ROOM - Present**

Abed’s eyes fly open, a bit shocked. He pushes it down. Shakes his head into the camera. Closes his eyes again. 

  


LEADER ( _CONT’D_ )

Now a moment when you were peaceful. 

  


**FLASHBACK \- INT. ABED AND ANNIE’S APARTMENT - Blanket Fort**

Annie and Abed are laying in the bed, facing each other. Abed is dressed like the Inspector, Annie is in her Geneva dress. We drop in during the middle of one of their long, meandering conversations. 

  


ANNIE

Okay, if you _could_ alter time and space then, what’s the first thing you would change?

  


ABED ( _deadpan, no hesitation)_

I’d stop The Phantom Menace from happening. 

  


Annie cracks up. 

  


ANNIE

That’s the first thing? Out of everything in the whole universe?

  


ABED

Oh. Probably intergalactic peace, then. Then I can stop the Phantom Menace. 

Don’t tell anyone I said that. 

  


ANNIE

Never. 

  


ABED

What about you?

  


ANNIE

Intergalactic peace, like you said. 

( _Beat_ )

I’ve always hated my hair, you know that. 

  


ABED

I know, but you shouldn’t. 

  


ANNIE

Thank you, but–

  


ABED

No, seriously, there’s nothing wrong with your curls. 

  


ANNIE ( _rushing up, playful)_

How’d you know I meant my _curly_ hair?

  


Abed hurries up as well. He puts his hands up in mock surrender.

  


ABED ( _matching her_ )

Deductive reasoning! You’ve talked about it before and you straighten it everyday. But I’m serious, there’s nothing wrong with it.

  


ANNIE ( _teasing)_

I don’t know if I believe you.

  


ABED

Well, you can’t make me change my mind.

  


ANNIE ( _British)_

Isn’t that what a quantum spanner’s for?

  


She holds up a hairbrush. 

  


ABED

Technically, no, but–

  


She throws a pillow at him. 

  


**INT. GUEST ROOM - Present Day**

That night.

Annie and Abed in their respective beds. Abed stares up at the ceiling. 

  


ABED ( _into the darkness)_

I know you don’t want me to go through your things, so you have to tell me what’s going on with you or I’ll be left with no other choice. 

  


ANNIE

Abed, that’s really ironic coming from you. 

  


ABED

Who have you been texting? 

  


ANNIE

Just someone from work. 

  


It’s her “I-love-butterflies” voice.

  


ABED

You like them?

  


ANNIE

I enjoy her company.

  


The casual use of gendered pronouns is not lost on Abed.

  


ANNIE ( _CONT’D)_

She’s very competitive. And sometimes severe. But she’s also really smart. And she’s nice to me.

  


ABED

What’s her name?

  


ANNIE

Don’t laugh.

( _Beat)_

It’s Annie.

  


ABED

Another Annie.

  


ANNIE

Annie Kim, actually. 

  


ABED

Annie Kim sounds really cool. That makes you cry?

  


ANNIE

I’m moving to Rhode Island. 

  


Stunned silence. 

  


ABED

Why would you do that?

  


ANNIE

Vaughn got offered a position on an ultimate frisbee team there. 

  


ABED

But your job is here. We’re here. Annie Kim is here. 

  


ANNIE

I _know_ that.

  


ABED

Break up with him. Don’t go. Stay here. 

  


ANNIE

He loves me. He’s made a lot of sacrifices for me.

  


ABED

But you don’t love him. My data suggests you never will. Not that way. 

  


More silence.

  


ANNIE

I’m more than just your data, Abed. 

  


ABED

But—

  


ANNIE

I’m going to Rhode Island.

  


Close on Abed’s face. He stares at the ceiling. 

  


**EXT. FARM FIELDS**

The next day. 

Abed is escaping the day’s cleaning. 

Wide Shot of Jeff, sitting on a bench in the field. Abed approaches from the background and sits next to him. 

Medium Shot of their faces. 

  


JEFF

You too, huh?

  


Abed mimes zipping his lips.

  


JEFF ( _CONT’D)_

I should’ve known. You’ve always been good at committing to stuff like this. Better than me.

How’s this going for you?

  


Abed wiggles his hand. _So-So._

  


JEFF ( _CONT’D)_

Yeah. Me too.

They keep asking us what we want to get out of this. I’m not telling these guys what I want. What I want can’t be gained by staying silent, or whatever other hippie idea Britta has. 

( _Beat)_

I want to do work that feels meaningful. I want to feel satisfied. I actually do want to make it through this wedding without ruining it for Pierce.

I want to stay sober. I want to move on from some of the things I did. To you. To the group. 

I want to take clean cups out of the dishwasher at home and put them into the cabinet… and then I want to watch someone else drink out of them the next morning. 

I want there to be someone else.

( _Beat_ )

Mostly, I just want to cry. All the time.

  


He looks at Abed.

Beat. 

  


ABED ( _quiet, near broken)_

Sometimes I just want to disappear. 

Stop the narrative. Stop the conflict.

  


JEFF 

You won’t tell anyone about this.

  


ABED 

I wouldn't know how. 

  


Wide Shot of them from behind. Abed rests his head on Jeff’s shoulder.

  
**INT. GUEST ROOM**

That night. Abed is wide awake in his twin bed. 

He stares at the ceiling. Quietly, he gets out of bed, and slides in next to Annie in her bed.

Annie, without opening her eyes, reaches behind her and pulls his arm around her waist.

He smiles.

  


**INT. GUEST ROOM**

The next morning.

Abed’s arms are empty. 

He pats the empty space. His eyes fly open and he jumps out of bed. 

Abed’s POV: A piece of paper on the side table. He picks it up. It reads: _Went home. Left money at reception. Just needed a bit of quiet. Annie_

Wide Shot of Abed sinking to the floor, his back up against the wall. He sighs. Pulls out his phone. Looks at the camera like he’s almost annoyed that they’re watching.

He plays an old voicemail. 

  


ABED’S MOTHER ( _V.O, in Polish_ )

_SUBTITLES_ : [Hello _misiu_. You’re probably still on your flight. We just arrived, we’ll be waiting for you. Call me when you get this.]

  


ABED ( _into camera)_

I should probably delete that.

** End of Episode 3 **


	4. Episode 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After a day of reliving painful memories, Abed decides to be honest.

**EPISODE 4**

**INT. ABED’S BLANKET FORT - Late at Night**

Abed sits in bed with his laptop.

Close Shot of the screen. He types out a Google search - _Jehovah’s Witness Gay._

Reaction Shot of Abed. A few clicks. He grimaces.

ABED ( _into camera)_

There may be some obstacles here.

_**TITLE CARD: [THIS IS A LOVE STORY]** _

**INT. ABED’S VIDEO STORE - Viewing Room**

Troy and Abed are in the back room of Abed’s store. Full shot of them sitting and watching the screen. We see the glow on their faces. We hear Inspector Spacetime playing.

Troy looks peaceful, with the slightest hint of a smile on his face.

Angled Shot of Abed watching him.

ABED ( _into camera)_

He’s being very quiet.

He keeps watching him. Privately checks him out.

ABED ( _CONT’D, into camera)_

His arms.

His neck...

What’s he thinking?

What is he thinking?

I should just let him watch it– Oh my God.

He suddenly leans forward to speak, as if it’s out of his control.

ABED ( _CONT’D, into camera)_

What am I doing? What am I going to say?

( _to Troy)_

I love this show. I watch a lot of TV and movies, but this is my favorite out of everything.

TROY

I like it. I wasn’t really allowed to watch TV as a kid. But I’ve been trying to catch up. I really like this. Constable Reggie seems really cool.

ABED

Is that why you left?

TROY

There’s a lot of reasons.

Abed nods.

TROY ( _CONT’D)_

There’s parts of me that just aren’t compatible with that life.

Abed raises an eyebrow at the camera. _Maybe?_

TROY ( _CONT’D)_

And I got hurt. No more football.

And my Uncle died, not long before I left. So.

( _Beat)_

I’m sorry, I’m probably talking too much. I’m sure you don’t want to hear about all that.

ABED

You’re not talking too much. It’s your origins.

( _Beat)_

And I get it.

TROY

Have you been to any funerals?

**FLASHBACK \- Catholic Church**

Close up of a Woman sat in a church pew. She’s crying.

**INT. ABED’S VIDEO STORE - Back Viewing Room**

Back with Troy and Abed.

He pushes the thought down.

ABED

A couple.

TROY

Do you –

ABED ( _interrupting)_

End credits.

They watch the screen again as the Inspector Spacetime theme plays over the end credits. Troy applauds.

TROY

So you really run this place all by yourself?

ABED

Essentially. When Annie was here she used to help.

( _Beat)_

I don’t know. Maybe she’ll help again, now. At least for a little bit. Before...

TROY

Something happened?

ABED

I…

**FLASHBACK INT. Abed’s Apartment. **

Close on Annie, tears streaming down her face. Same shot as before.

**INT. Abed’s Video Store**

Back with Abed and Troy.

ABED ( _CONT’D)_

We…

TROY

You… What?

ABED ( _into camera)_

He’s more persistent than I thought he’d be, actually.

TROY

What is that?

ABED ( _taken aback)_

What?

TROY

That thing you do. It’s like you disappear.

ABED ( _disbelief)_

What?

TROY

What are you not saying?

ABED

What? Nothing.

TROY

You can tell me, I don’t bite.

ABED

It’s nothing.

TROY

What–

ABED _(glancing into camera)_

Nothing!

Troy catches this. He makes a noise in mock anguish and looks directly in the camera and then back at Abed. While he’s not looking, Abed looks into the camera, uneased.

TROY

I’m just trying to get to know you.

ABED ( _sharply)_

Well, I don’t want that.

Pause. It is not what either of them wanted Abed to say.

TROY _(softly)_

Look, if something’s wrong, I just want to help you.

Beat.

ABED

So that’s what this is.

TROY

That’s not what I meant.

ABED

I’m not crazy. I don’t need any help.

TROY

That’s really not what I–

ABED

I should be ready in case a customer shows up.

( _Beat_ )

I don’t think we should watch any movies today.

TROY

O–Okay.

ABED

Goodbye.

We hear the sounds of Troy getting up, opening the door, and leaving as the camera stays tight on Abed’s unchanging face. As soon as the door is closed, we follow Abed rushing to the bathroom in the back of the store. The score is a heavy, melancholic brass.

As we follow him, the footage is intercut with several different **FLASHBACK CLIPS** in non-chronological order: JUDGING FACES, all dressed in black and staring at him, Annie with tears streaming down her face, a TODDLER playing with his toys and smiling just beyond the camera, a WOMAN’s crying face as she’s sat in a church pew, Abed bringing his cellphone down from his ear in an airport, Abed reaching for the toddler’s hand as the woman carries him away.

Abed makes it to the bathroom. He splashes water on his face. Breathes heavily.

Close on his hands gripping the sink. His knuckles turn white.

He stares at himself in the mirror, and against his own will, begins to flashback.

**FLASHBACK \- INT. Catholic Church - Poland**

Wide shot of the church aisles. It’s not a particularly large church, but it’s packed with people. Whoever’s body is laying in the casket centered at the front of the church was clearly well liked. There’s a priest speaking, but it’s far away and not the main focus.

Close up on Abed, who is, at first, staring straight ahead. He’s wearing mismatched formalwear again. All black.

Sharp crying sound from just offscreen. Abed turns his head to look at the source of the sound, and we pan to reveal the Woman from the flashback clips, crying. It is ABED’S MOTHER, sitting next to him. She discreetly wipes at her face. Abed watches her for a moment. Then his gaze shifts to the man next to her – Abed’s Stepfather, PIOTR. On his lap is the toddler, Abed’s brother, MARCIN. His stepfather takes his mother’s hand. Marcin is playing with a bible. He’s too young to know what’s happening.

Abed fixates on his stepfather’s suit. It’s really nice, like something Jeff would wear and brag about. As he’s staring at it, Piotr stares back at him. Abed avoids eye contact.

He looks the other way. The camera pans to show the rest of the aisle. It’s filled with similarly dressed funeral attendants. They are all strangers to Abed and they’re all crying.

Dry eyed, Abed returns his gaze to his hands. Closeup on his hands, clenched in his lap. The cuffs of his suit jacket don’t reach his wrists.

**INT. FUNERAL RECEPTION - In Front of a Food Platter**

Abed holds a small plate with a few tiny sandwiches. Of all of the funeral attendees in the room, he’s the only one eating.

He’s alone. His mother is nowhere in sight.

OLD WOMAN ( _approaching him, in Polish_ )

 _SUBTITLES_ : [I’m so sorry for your loss. Your grandfather was a wonderful man.]

ABED ( _in Polish)_

 _SUBTITLES_ : [I didn’t really know him. I’m told I met him once while I was a baby, but obviously, I don’t remember it because my brain wasn’t fully formed. He wasn’t very happy that my mother married someone who wasn’t Polish, and even more so that he wasn’t Catholic and that she moved to the States. I’m a physical representation of that, so I don’t think he wanted to see me very much. I’ve never even been to Poland before.]

She is stunned and upset.

ABED ( _CONT’D)_

 _SUBTITLES_ : [But thank you for telling me that. It helps me understand why everyone is so upset.]

She scurries away. Abed sets down his plate.

Wide shot of the whole room. A lot of people are pretending they aren’t watching him. At the edge of the room, another woman, ABED’S AUNT, holds a fussing Marcin. He goes to her.

ABED

_Ciocia._

AUNT

Abed.

She looks him up and down.

AUNT ( _CONT’D, English)_

You seem like you’re having a nice time.

ABED ( _Polish)_

 _SUBTITLES_ : [Do you need me to take Marcin somewhere else?]

AUNT ( _Polish)_

 _SUBTITLES_ : [Your mother left him with me.]

ABED

 _SUBTITLES_ : [I would like to take him somewhere else.]

Marcin struggles in her arms.

AUNT ( _handing him over_ )

 _SUBTITLES_ : [Fine. But I’m letting your mother know.]

ABED

 _SUBTITLES_ : [That’s fine.]

Marcin wraps his arms around Abed’s neck. Babbles happily. Abed moves to another room.

**INT. QUIET ROOM**

Moments later. Abed closes the door, sits on a small couch inside.

Marcin stands on his lap. More babbling. Abed holds his hands and bounces his knees. Marcin laughs.

Abed tests out Polish nicknames he remembers from his early childhood.

ABED

_Misiu._

_Sloneczko. Kochanie?_

_Najdroższa?_

Marcin reacts. He recognizes this.

He leans forward and pushes his hands on Abed’s face.

MARCIN

Mama, ma, ma mama.

ABED

 _Najdroższa._ Okay.

He smiles, and sets Marcin down on the ground when he starts to wiggle.

He continues to speak to him in Polish – there are no subtitles for this. The audience doesn’t need to know exactly what’s being said, just that it’s quiet and consistent and soothing.

As he talks, he pulls a Batman action figure out of his pocket and gives it to Marcin. He’s been waiting for the right moment.

Close on Marcin playing with the toy. He smiles at Abed, just beyond the camera. The same shot we’ve already seen.

MOTHER

Abed.

She’s been watching from the doorway.

ABED

_Mamo._

MOTHER ( _in Polish)_

 _SUBTITLES_ : [You still speak Polish well.]

ABED _(in Polish_ )

 _SUBTITLES_ : [Dad doesn’t really enjoy it but I like to practice. My new neighbor is Polish, too.]

MOTHER

 _SUBTITLES_ : [That sounds like your father.]

She sits on the couch next to him.

MOTHER _(CONT’D)_

 _SUBTITLES_ : [Your Aunt told me you two were here.]

ABED

 _SUBTITLES_ : [She said she’d do that.]

MOTHER

 _SUBTITLES_ : [You really shouldn’t have taken him without letting me know.]

ABED

 _SUBTITLES_ : [Auntie Ela said she was going to let you know. I didn’t see you.]

MOTHER

 _SUBTITLES_ : [Piotr was very upset.]

ABED

 _SUBTITLES_ : [He didn’t need to be worried. We were right here.]

MOTHER

 _SUBTITLES_ : [Yes, yes, I know. But you should not do that again.]

ABED

 _SUBTITLES_ : [I like Poland so far, other than the funeral and everyone being sad. I like the country. I wish I could’ve visited Grandfather when I was younger, before he died.]

MOTHER

 _SUBTITLES_ : [Listen, Abed...]

ABED

 _SUBTITLES_ : [Hold on. You have a look on your face. You have bad news. Am I right?]

Silence, save for Marcin making sounds as Batman flies through the air.

ABED ( _CONT’D)_

 _SUBTITLES_ : [You do, don’t you?]

MOTHER

 _SUBTITLES_ : [I’m not sure you should've come today.]

ABED

 _SUBTITLES_ : [To the funeral?]

MOTHER

 _SUBTITLES_ : [To Poland.]

Beat.

ABED

 _SUBTITLES_ : [Is that Piotr’s idea?]

MOTHER

 _SUBTITLES_ : [It’s not just him. I have a family, Abed, I have to think about that. He is my husband and we make these choices together.]

ABED

 _SUBTITLES_ : [What choice are you making?]

MOTHER

 _SUBTITLES_ : [I think you should go back to your father in Colorado now.]

ABED

 _SUBTITLES_ : [I don’t live with Dad anymore, remember?]

MOTHER

 _SUBTITLES_ : [Back to Colorado, then.]

ABED

 _SUBTITLES_ : [I should have predicted this. I thought you seemed upset with me.]

MOTHER

 _SUBTITLES_ : [Abed, this week has been very stressful for me. I’ve lost a parent, please try to understand–]

ABED

 _SUBTITLES_ : [Am I losing one too?]

Another beat.

MOTHER

 _SUBTITLES_ : [I’m going to call you a taxi.]

ABED

 _SUBTITLES_ : [You want me to go right now?]

MOTHER

 _SUBTITLES_ : [This is for the best.]

ABED

 _SUBTITLES_ : [But I’ll still see you on December 9th. I can go to Arizona if you don’t want to come to Colorado.]

MOTHER

 _SUBTITLES_ : [You’re a man now, Abed.]

ABED

 _SUBTITLES_ : [I’ll see you on December 9th.]

MOTHER

 _SUBTITLES_ : [Take care of your father.]

ABED

_Mamusiu._

She stands and picks up Marcin from the ground.

ABED ( _pleading)_

Mom.

MOTHER

_Kocham cię._

She walks away.

MARCIN

Bye bye!

Wide shot from behind the couch. The only face we can see is Marcin’s as he peers over his mother’s shoulder. His hand clutches Batman and reaches for Abed. Abed’s arm extends to him. Their fingers almost touch.

**INT. BUSY AIRPORT**

Close on Abed, waiting in the airport. His knee is bouncing. He’s scrolling through his phone.

Close on the phone’s screen, displaying Abed’s very limited contacts list. He clicks on “ANNIE EDISON.” It rings once and he hangs up.

He returns to the contact list. His finger hovers over JEFF WINGER for a long time. Instead, he clicks on GOBI NADIR.

It rings 6 times. The camera does not leave Abed’s face in this time.

GOBI ( _V.O)_

Hello?

ABED

Dad.

( _speaking in Arabic)_

 _SUBTITLES_ : [ _Baba,_ I’m in Poland.]

GOBI ( _V.O)_

 _SUBTITLES_ : [What? Abed, you’re not in Poland.]

ABED

 _SUBTITLES_ : [Yes, I am.]

GOBI ( _V.O)_

 _SUBTITLES_ : [Is this like when you tell me you’re in space?]

ABED

 _SUBTITLES_ : [It’s not a simulation. I’m at the airport. But I’m coming back.]

GOBI ( _V.O)_

 _SUBTITLES_ : [Why on Earth are you in Poland? Does your mother have something to do with this?]

ABED

 _SUBTITLES_ : [My grandfather died. She invited me to the funeral.]

GOBI ( _V.O)_

 _SUBTITLES_ : [Why didn’t you tell me? Did she pay for you? Do we need to pay her back? Are you in trouble?]

ABED

 _SUBTITLES_ : [I’m coming home now because she said she needs to think about her family. And that I should go back to Colorado.]

Beat.

GOBI ( _V.O)_

 _SUBTITLES_ : [ _Habibi,_ I’m sorry.]

( _Beat_ )

[Maybe this is for the best.]

ABED

 _SUBTITLES_ : [She said the same thing.]

GOBI ( _V.O)_

 _SUBTITLES_ : [Count this as one of the few things we agree on.]

( _Beat_ )

[Do you need any help? Will you make it home on the plane okay?]

ABED

 _SUBTITLES_ : [Yes. I'm fine.]

His body language contradicts him.

GOBI ( _V.O)_

 _SUBTITLES_ : [I suppose you made it there in one piece.]

( _Deep breath)_

[I loved your mother, but, um – I found her very difficult, you know. Her instincts were… When you were young I used to think that she just knew how to be fun, how to be kind. How to be caring. And I was jealous of her. I'm just guessing.]

[I loved her, but I never thought that she would…]

[...You’ll live on, Abed.]

ABED ( _numbly, English)_

Okay.

GOBI ( _V.O)_

 _SUBTITLES_ : [Come see me when you are home.]

ABED

Bye.

He hangs up abruptly. Slowly lowers the phone into his lap.

**INT - Abed and Annie’s Apartment** \- **Abed’s Bedroom/Blanket Fort**

Medium Shot of Abed, laying in bed. It’s been several days since he got home.

He looks disheveled and unshowered. His face is devoid of expression. His eyes stare unseeing.

Wide shot of the full blanket fort, revealing Annie at the edge of the bed. Her eyes are watering.

ANNIE

Abed, _please._

No reaction.

ANNIE ( _CONT’D)_

The shower’s already running. All you have to do is get in.

( _Beat_ )

Okay, you don’t have to shower. But please eat something. I’ll make you noodles.

Still no reaction.

ANNIE ( _CONT’D)_

Abed, remember how you said to tell you when you were being scary weird instead of cute weird? This is scary weird.

If you don’t get up soon, I’m going to call the others.

Abed please, you’re really scaring me.

Please.

Okay, you don’t have to get up, but you have to say something.

Abed, _please._

Can you just tell me what happened? Was it the funeral?

She reaches out to grab his hand.

ANNIE ( _CONT’D)_

Abed, I can help you, but I need to know what—

Her hand makes contact with his, and he flies up in bed, his hand pulling away and inadvertently hitting her’s, making a loud slapping sound. She cries out in shock.

ABED ( _cruelly)_

Annie, you keep trying to help me, but have you considered that I’m not the one who needs help and you’re deflectioning all your personal issues on to me? You keep trying to fix me, but it can’t be done. The real problem is the deep issues you have with yourself. Have you considered that?

Annie gasps. She sounds like a small child that’s been wounded. Her eyes flutter as she cries. She takes a moment to collect herself and eventually leaves his bedside.

She leaves the fort and returns a few moments later with a jacket and a backpack.

ANNIE ( _giving it one more chance_ )

I am trying to help you. Something’s clearly happened.

ABED

Nothing’s happened.

ANNIE

Something’s happened. I want to help you.

ABED

I think you want to feel better about your own problems. You just want what’s best for yourself.

Her eyes flutter again. She’s crying harder but making less sound.

ANNIE

If I walk out that door, that’s it. I’ll move out. I’ll leave you alone. That’s clearly what you want, anyways.

Abed slumps back on his pillow. Nothing.

Close on Annie, tears streaming down her face. Same shot as before.

She leaves. Off screen, we hear the door slam.

** END FLASHBACK **

**INT. Abed’s Apartment - Present Day**

Several hours have passed since we last saw Abed. It’s dark in his apartment.

He’s kneeling in front of his DVDs, his head and arms resting on one of the shelves, like a child that’s too small to properly kneel in a church pew.

He looks exhausted.

Medium Shot of his face. Pierce’s lava lamp watches over him. We see that when he kneels like this, his head is level with the row that contains _Brokeback Mountain, The Children’s Hour, etc._ Next to his head is the napkin with Troy’s contact information.

He looks at it for a long time.

**INT. ABED’S APARTMENT -** **Later That Night**

He opens his door and invites Troy in.

TROY ( _breathless)_

Hi.

ABED

Hi.

TROY

When I got your text, I thought you were just in my head. I mean you were in my head, so I thought I was imagining the text. But I wasn’t, and now I’m here.

He takes off his coat, giddy.

TROY ( _CONT’D)_

I’m glad I’m here. We don’t have to… We can just watch a movie or something. Do you like Winnie The Pooh? I can’t hear a Winnie The Pooh quote without crying.

( _hand on his heart)_

Piglet.

ABED ( _copying the motion)_

Piglet.

( _Beat)_

I do like Winnie The Pooh. But I like Sci-Fi best.

TROY

I love Sci-Fi. Whatever you want to watch.

ABED

I want to be honest with you.

Beat.

TROY

Alright.

ABED

It’s hard to do while I look at you.

He looks down, embarrassed.

TROY

Okay, well… what if you didn’t have to?

Troy’s POV as he searches the room. The camera rests on the blanket fort.

He goes to it.

TROY

You go in here… and I’ll sit out here. Then you can tell me whatever you want.

Troy sits on the ground.

Abed’s heart swells.

**INT. BLANKET FORT**

Medium shot of Abed’s face. We do not see Troy. There are no cut aways from Abed’s face.

He sits on his bed.

TROY _(O.S)_

How’s this? Any better?

ABED

I think it might be.

TROY ( _O.S, chuckling)_

Alright, cool.

ABED

Cool, cool, cool.

Beat. He takes a breath.

ABED

...I lied.

TROY _(O.S)_

Oh?

ABED

To you. About the miscarriage.

TROY _(O.S)_

Oh.

ABED

I was just covering for my friend. I know that’s no excuse, but I couldn’t think of anything else to do. She wouldn’t leave and go to the hospital.

Beat.

TROY _(O.S)_

Okay.

ABED

And I’m not always good at reading faces. Or emotions. I won’t always know what you’re thinking, but I want to know.

TROY _(O.S, kindly)_

Alright.

Beat.

ABED

And…

** FLASHBACK MONTAGE  **

Several shots we’ve already seen. Marcin’s hand reaching out for Abed. Annie in the retreat bed, moments after the Rhode Island reveal. Abed laying numbly in his bed.

**INT. BLANKET FORT**

Back with Abed, tight on his face. We still do not cut away or see Troy.

TROY _(O.S)_

And?

ABED ( _pausing)_

I can’t.

TROY ( _gentle, not forcefully)_

It’s okay, go on.

ABED ( _hard for him to say)_

...Scared.

Scared of forgetting. People. Forgetting people. People who leave.

And I’m ashamed. Of not knowing what I...

TROY _(O.S)_

Not knowing what you want? It’s okay not to know what you want.

ABED

No, I know what I _want_. I know exactly what I want right now.

It overwhelms him.

TROY _(O.S)_

What do you want?

ABED ( _deep breath)_

It’s bad.

TROY _(O.S)_

I’m sure it’s fine.

ABED

I want someone to tell me what to wear in the morning.

TROY _(O.S, kind laughter)_

Well, I think there are people who can do that for you–

ABED ( _seriously)_

No, I want someone to tell me what to wear every morning. Like a costume designer.

Beat. The laughter stops abruptly.

ABED ( _CONT’D)_

I want someone to tell me how this story’s going, so I know how my character should act. I want to know what’s accessible to an audience. How to make them empathize with me. What to listen to, what to joke about, what not to joke about. What to like, what to hate, what to rage about and how to handle those emotions. What to believe in. I want someone to tell me what other characters are thinking… Who to love, and how to… tell them. How to live with that feeling.

I think what I really want is a script supervisor to tell me how to live out this story, Troy, because so far I think I've been getting it wrong.

His voice breaks. He’s not exactly crying, but his eyes burn with a white hot shame.

ABED ( _CONT’D)_

And I know I should have faith because it’s supposed to work out for the protagonist. They take action and lead the story and it works out by the end. But I don’t _know_ my ending and I don’t _know_ how to take action because I don’t think I was meant to be the main character.

( _unable to stop_ )

And I know that’s why other people don’t see life like I do, they don’t see it as a show or a movie and they hold onto each other instead, or to religion, and that tells them what to do and what they’ll get out of the end of it. But I can’t believe that, and I can’t connect to people in the same way and I can’t be accepted and even though I _know_ that, I’m still scared, Troy, why am I so scared?

A beat. But Abed is too worked up to stop. He sinks off of the bed and on to his knees, spent.

ABED ( _CONT’D)_

I just need someone to tell me how to do this.

Please, Troy, tell me what to do. Please. Just tell me what to do, Troy!

Silence. Then,

TROY _(O.S, quietly)_

Close your eyes.

ABED

What?

TROY _(O.S, even softer)_

Close your eyes.

Just close your eyes.

After a moment, Abed does. We hear the sound of the blanket wall being pushed back. Troy enters the frame. MUSIC CUE: Kyrie by Isobel Waller-Bridge.

Troy’s hands graze across Abed’s cheeks. He turns his hands over and the backs of his knuckles trace Abed’s jawline. He pulls his hands back and Abed instinctively leans forward in search of the touch.

Finally, Troy returns his hands and slowly presses his lips to Abed’s.

Abed is still kneeling, so he has to lean up to kiss him. For a long moment, neither one moves - they are too frightened of scaring each other off.

Troy pulls away and Abed opens his eyes. Then, he stands and kisses Troy with a higher urgency. He clings to him like he depends on it.

Troy holds him just as closely. He uses one hand to fumble with his belt buckle. He’s doing a poor job of undressing himself - Abed is distracting him. Abed does his best to help him with it.

Eventually, Troy falls backwards into his bed. Abed follows him. As they land, one of the walls of the blanket fort falls to the ground. The music stops.

It snaps them out of it.

Troy stands suddenly as if he’s been burned.

TROY

I should go.

ABED

Troy…

TROY

I have to go.

Close up on Abed’s face. We hear Troy leave.

Abed looks into the camera. Angry and distraught.

** END EPISODE 4 **


	5. Episode 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Unable to speak to Troy, Abed has several conversations with the other people in his life.

**EPISODE 5**

**INT. ABED’S APARTMENT**

Close on Abed’s face. He’s on his phone. 

Close up on the phone screen. He’s redownloading dating apps, one right after the other – _Tinder, Grindr, Bumble_ , _Hinge_ – in the middle of doing so, he briefly looks into the camera, vaguely embarrassed and ashamed, but he immediately goes back to downloading. As he waits for them to reinstall, we see a text from Pierce to a group chat with 6 participants. He clicks on it.

It reads _Troy not coming 2 wedding. very sad. will need xtra gifts from you all. :/ ;( Whoever has my energon pod pls return it._

Close on Abed’s face again. 

  


ABED ( _into camera_ )

I can’t help but think I have something to do with this.

  


_**TITLE CARD: [THIS IS A LOVE STORY]** _

  


**INT. SHIRLEY’S HOUSE**

Sounds of children’s voices in the background. Abed is standing in Shirley’s kitchen table and she is scurrying around the room, entering and exiting. She’s holding a DVD case in her hand. 

  


SHIRLEY

Thank you, Abed. The boys have been asking about Spiderverse for a long time, I’ve been meaning to come over and get it. 

  


She returns without the DVD, having placed it in the other room, and now holds a $20 dollar bill. 

  


SHIRLEY

Here. For letting me have priority. I know there’s probably a waitlist at the store.

  


ABED

I don’t need any money. 

  


SHIRLEY

It’s a gesture. For letting me rent it. 

  


ABED

You can just keep it. I should probably be getting rid of some DVDs anyways. 

Or most of them. 

  


SHIRLEY

You’re getting rid of all your little movies? Why? 

  


ABED

I think it may be the right thing to do. 

( _Beat)_

But I don’t know anymore. I’ve lost sight of my character’s motives.

I don’t know anything.

  


Shirley gets a serious look in her eye. 

  


SHIRLEY ( _gently but firmly)_

Abed. I don’t want you to go away again. If something is going on–

  


ABED ( _into camera)_

Everyone is always so determined to figure out if ‘something is going on’, and yet they can’t predict the plot any better than I can. 

  


SHIRLEY

– then I think we should try again and not have a repeat of whatever happened last time. 

( _lighter_ )

I can’t go without Abed again.

  


ABED ( _slowly)_

Things work out for the protagonist in movies. 

And I’ve been operating as if I was the protagonist for a long time. And it hasn’t worked out. I don’t know how the plot can resolve anymore. So I don’t think I’m the protagonist. I don’t know if I’m leading a story anymore – any story. So I feel aimless. And lost. I don’t have a guide. And maybe this is how everyone else feels all the time, and they're just not talking about it, or I'm alone in it... which isn't funny at all. 

  


SHIRLEY ( _processing this)_

Well, if you’re looking for something to believe in, I know a skinny little Hebrew handyman you could meet.

  


ABED

I’m not going to become Christian, Shirley, or a better Muslim. 

( _Beat_ )

This was my religion. I thought the meaning of people was somewhere in here. Then I found a secret. People are random and pointless. They act out of character and are contradictory and they leave even when it doesn’t make sense for their character. 

Everyone leaves.

  


SHIRLEY

Well, in my religion, the whole point is that you can’t understand every little thing.

( _Beat)_

I know you’re not going to become a Christian, Abed. But my religion reminds me that even when things seem random and pointless, there’s larger things at play. The way you believe that there’s a larger story taking place. Even if we can’t see where our lives – or our plots – are going, that doesn’t mean it’s directionless. 

If nothing else, there’s always _other people._ That’s why we get so upset when you go away, Abed. You’re not alone. There’s us. There’s millions of other people. 

  


ABED

Yeah, except most people… don’t get it. They don’t see things like I do.

  


SHIRLEY

Look at me. People are all we've got.

( _Beat)_

Your story isn’t over. It’s still going. 

  


ABED

I guess so. 

  


He looks into the camera. The audience is still there, so he must still have something to learn.

  


SHIRLEY ( _handing him the money)_

So I will give you _this_. And I’ll give you the movie back in two weeks.

  


She squeezes his hand lovingly.

  


**INT. ABED’S STORE**

Abed is tidying the store. A wide shot shows us that currently, there are no other customers in the store. Jeff is browsing through the aisles lazily. Just hanging out.

  


ABED

Do you want something to drink? I can run upstairs and get you something.

  


JEFF

Badly. But no thanks, I’m sober. 

  


ABED

I meant water. Or special drink.

  


JEFF

Yeah, I know you did, Abed. Just figured I’d remind myself. I’m sober.

  


ABED

I never told you I’m glad. It’s a good choice for your character.

  


JEFF

Yeah, well. I didn’t tell you when I started going to meetings, so... It’s not your fault. And there was a lot of… stuff going on.

( _Beat_ )

I’m sorry for monologuing at you during the silent retreat.

  


ABED

That’s okay. It was an illuminating moment for your character development. 

  


JEFF

And I’m sorry for all the times I told you to shut up. Even though you did a really good job of shutting up and listening during the retreat.

  


ABED ( _into camera_ )

He’s embarrassed. 

  


JEFF

And I’m sorry… that I couldn’t shut up and listen to you when you needed it. I’m sorry I wasn’t reaching out to you when I should’ve been. 

  


ABED

To be fair, it’s not like I was really reaching out to anyone, anyways. 

  


JEFF

Still. 

( _Beat_ )

I’m making amends. I hope. 

  


ABED

You are. 

  


Jeff sighs. He looks relieved. 

  


JEFF

Hey, that’s too bad about that Troy guy not coming to the wedding. What do you think that’s all about?

  


Abed looks into the camera. 

  


ABED

Not sure. 

  


JEFF

Maybe he’s the one that took that lava lamp, huh? And now he’s just trying to avoid Pierce’s wrath. 

  


ABED ( _feigned mirth_ )

Maybe. 

  


Beat. 

  


JEFF

Abed. 

  


ABED

Your tone of voice means you think I have it. Why do you think it’s me?

  


JEFF

Because I know how Pierce is. I know how we all say it doesn’t get to us and we do our best to guide him but sometimes he’ll still make an offhand comment or do something annoying-slash-terrible and that thought will cross my mind, like ‘C’mon, I’ll show you, old man’ and I’ll think about doing something but just say something sarcastic instead. 

( _Beat_ )

And I know I didn’t take it, so.

  


ABED

You’ve been very honest lately, Jeff. 

  


Jeff sighs. Abed gives him nothing. 

  


JEFF

Look, all I know now is that he really misses that thing. And now that Troy’s not going, he really wants the lamp. More than ever. 

  


Abed looks into the camera. If that’s why Pierce wants it, maybe Abed should keep it.

  


ABED ( _into camera_ , _shaking his head)_

This is irrational. It’s an inanimate object. 

( _to Jeff_ )

I’m sure he’ll get it back in time for the wedding. 

  


JEFF ( _sarcastically)_

It’s going to be a lovely ceremony, isn’t it?

  


ABED

For better or for worse.

  


His phone rings. 

  


ABED

Hello?

  


ANNIE ( _V.O)_

Abed. Are you available?

  


JEFF

Is that Annie?

  


ABED ( _to Annie)_

Um, yes. Sort of. I can be. Where are you?

  


ANNIE ( _V.O)_

In the cemetery. By the tree that—

  


ABED

—That looks like Gandolf. Got it. 

Are you okay?

  


ANNIE ( _V.O)_

Can you get here soon? 

  


ABED

Yes. I’ll have to close the store, but I’ll be there soon. 

  


JEFF

I can take care of it. Go to Annie.

  


ABED

You can?

  


ANNIE ( _V.O)_

‘I can’ what?

  


JEFF 

Sure. How hard can it be?

  


ANNIE ( _V.O)_

You don’t have to close the store, it’s fine—

  


ABED

It’s taken care of. I’ll be there as soon as possible. 

  


**EXT. GRAVEYARD BENCH**

Not long after. 

Annie is sitting on the bench, waiting for him. Her hair has been cut short, just below her chin. It’s curly. It suits her well. 

Abed approaches the bench and sits next to her. 

  


ABED

Hey.

  


She takes his hand and squeezes it. She’s not crying but her eyes are puffy.

  


ANNIE

Hey.

  


ABED

Your hair is shorter. 

And it’s curly. 

  


ANNIE

Oh. Yeah. I kind of panicked. Thought it was time for a change. 

  


ABED ( _into camera)_

This might be a breakup haircut. 

  


ANNIE

I don't know why I came to the cemetery, of all places. I haven’t been here since…

  


ABED

… after Jeff’s birthday last year. I thought you’d say that. 

  


ANNIE

God, I didn’t think I’d ever get over that hangover. I really thought it was the end. 

  


ABED

I remember. 

  


ANNIE

Well, you were right about this place. It’s good for... healing, weird as that is for a graveyard. 

  


ABED

It’s the irony of the setting that makes it work. Happens in movies all the time. 

( _Beat)_

What’s going on, Annie?

  


ANNIE

I broke up with Vaughn. I told him the truth.

  


ABED

About the pregnancy?

  


ANNIE

Yes. About everything. 

  


ABED

I see. 

  


ANNIE

Including the fact that I’m a lesbian. 

  


Rush of relief from both. 

  


ABED

I _see._

  


ANNIE

It feels good to say it.

  


ABED

I know what you mean. I remember feeling that way, too.

( _Beat)_

So you’re not moving to Rhode Island.

  


ANNIE ( _laughing lightly)_

No.

  


ABED

Good. We need you here.

( _Beat)_

I need you here. 

  


ANNIE

I’m not going anywhere. Not again. Not anymore.

  


Close up of their hands squeezing.

  


ABED 

I’m glad you get to be who you are now. I’m sorry it took so much conflict to get to this point. 

( _Beat_ )

I’m sorry you lost the baby.

  


ANNIE ( _shaking her head_ )

I just felt relieved. Is that awful?

  


ABED

No. Not in my opinion. 

  


ANNIE

And thank you for coming with me to the hospital. I know it must’ve been scary. And we weren’t even talking...

  


ABED ( _matter of fact)_

You needed to go. 

  


In the distance, there’s a man standing over a gravestone, crying. Very loudly. He lets out another sob and takes their attention. 

  


ANNIE

Poor guy. 

  


ABED

Nah, he’s a con. 

  


ANNIE

Abed! You can’t just say that. 

  


ABED

Look at him. Look at his performance. It’s over-the-top, it’s unrealistic. 

  


ANNIE ( _not actually angry)_

You can’t police people’s grieving. 

  


ABED

Annie, trust me. He goes to a different grave and does this everyday. He’s acting. And unnaturally, at that. 

  


Beat. Annie looks at him. 

  


ABED ( _CONT’D)_

What? You’re making a face, did I say something?

  


ANNIE

You come here everyday?

  


Abed looks at the ground. 

  


ANNIE ( _CONT’D, realizing)_

I haven’t even asked you how you are.

  


ABED

That’s ok. This scene isn’t really about me. 

  


ANNIE ( _insistent)_

How are you, Abed? What’s going on with you?

  


ABED

I’m okay.

( _Beat_ )

I don’t know. I may have met someone.

  


ANNIE

Oh my god! Abed! That’s amazing! Who is it? What do they do?

  


ABED

He’s a dancer. And a repairman, sometimes. Also a sailor. 

  


Annie puts her head in her hands. Abed stares down the camera. 

  


ANNIE

Is it—

  


ABED

Troy? Yes.

  


ANNIE ( _laughing)_

Oh my God.

  


ABED ( _playfully)_

Don’t laugh!

  


ANNIE

No, I know, I’m sorry, I saw he’s not coming to the wedding, I’m sure it’s very complicated, and painful—

  


ABED

It is.

  


ANNIE

It’s just— You’re my hero. That’s amazing.

  


ABED

I really hope it is.

  


ANNIE 

He seemed really cool. And good for you.

  


ABED

He is.

( _Beat)_

There’s more. I want to tell you about my trip to Poland now.

  


ANNIE ( _nervously)_

Okay.

  


ABED

You were right. Something did happen at the funeral. 

My mom asked me to go home early because she said she had to think about her family.Her husband and her other son.

She won’t visit on December 9th anymore. 

  


ANNIE

Oh, Abed!

  


She wraps an arm around him, holds him, and puts her head on his shoulder. 

  


ANNIE ( _CONT’D)_

I’m so sorry.

  


ABED

I lashed out on you because I couldn’t fix the problem. That wasn’t right. I’m sorry.

( _Beat)_

I don’t know what to do with all these emotions sometimes. I don't know where to put it all. 

  


ANNIE

Well, I’ll take it. 

  


Abed cracks a smile.

  


ANNIE ( _CONT’D)_

I’m serious, give it to me. I’ll take it. 

You have to give it to me. 

  


Abed leans his head against her’s. 

Wide Shot of both of them leaning on each other. 

Abed gives the camera a small smile.

  


**INT. ABED’S STORE**

Later that day. Abed returns.

Jeff is still making himself busy, holding a broom and vaguely sweeping. He looks surprisingly pleased with himself.

  


ABED

Sorry. Lost track of time. 

  


JEFF

It’s fine.

I’m resisting the urge to ask what’s going on.

  


ABED

That’s for the best.

  


JEFF

I’m also assuming that if things were really wrong, you’d tell us and not disappear for the better part of 6 months. 

  


ABED

5 and a half.

  


JEFF

Seriously. 

  


ABED

The narrative keeps pushing me to talk about things. 

  


JEFF

Well, I think that’s good.

  


ABED

I think so too. 

You didn’t have any trouble while I was gone, did you?

  


JEFF

Not at all. I even convinced a couple to rent a copy of Saw. And trust me, they did not want to at first.

  


ABED

You’re good at that. Maybe you could come back and help sometime.

  


JEFF

We’ll see.

  


Jeff puts a hand on Abed’s shoulder and moves towards the door.

  


JEFF ( _CONT’D)_

Here’s to being better men. 

  


He exits.

  


ABED ( _into camera)_

He still has my broom.

( _Beat)_

He’ll be back.

  


**INT. ABED’S APARTMENT - Night**

Full Shot. Abed sits on the couch in his boxers. He lazily spoons Lucky Charms into his mouth.

He is mesmerized by the TV.

We catch a few lines of the show. 

  


CONSTABLE REGGIE ( _V.O)_

I swear, Inspector, as long as you and the universe require me, I shall never leave your side.

  


Another sad spoonful. 

The doorbell buzzes. 

Abed pauses the TV, wraps his floor-length Inspector trench coat around himself, and moves to the door.

  


ABED ( _calling to the visitor)_

If this is a comically timed Girl Scout selling cookies, I don’t want anything right now. 

( _Beat)_

Maybe some Thin Mints.

  


He opens the door.

  


TROY 

Hi.

  


ABED ( _surprised_ )

Hey.

  


TROY

Are you going somewhere?

  


ABED

No. 

( _into camera_ )

I only have on underwear underneath this coat.

  


TROY

Is it okay if I come in?

  


Abed nods. Lets him in. 

Troy takes off his jacket and hangs it up by the door.

  


TROY ( _CONT’D_ )

Aren’t you going to take your coat off?

  


ABED

No.

I’m a bit chilly. 

  


TROY

I like it. It looks like the Inspector’s coat.

  


ABED 

That’s exactly what it is.

  


Brief silence. They bask in the euphoria of being known. 

  


TROY

I’ve decided to go to the wedding.

  


ABED

That’s good. Pierce will be glad.

  


TROY

He was, when I told him. I figured it wasn’t fair to ditch it just because of my own stuff.

( _Beat)_

I left a lot of things behind to go sailing, you know? I’m basically living in a whole new world now. And that’s what I wanted, but—

  


The doorbell buzzes again. 

  


TROY ( _CONT’D_ )

I’m still reminding myself that I’m—

  


Insistent buzzing.

  


ABED

Comically inconvenient Girl Scout. Just ignore it.

  


TROY

At this time?

  


It’s not, it’s PAVEL, Abed’s neighbor. 

  


PAVEL ( _O.S)_

Hey, bro! I heard you were sad, so I’ve got _babka_!

  


ABED

Pavel. Excuse me.

  


He hurries to the door. 

  


PAVEL

Hello, Abed!

  


ABED ( _Polish)_

_SUBTITLES:_ [Hello, Pavel. Now’s not really a good time. I have a good friend over and I think he’s about to emotionally monologue.]

  


PAVEL

Ah. No problem, bro. Another time.

  


ABED

Another time. 

  


He leaves. Abed turns back to Troy.

  


ABED ( _CONT’D)_

Sorry. Not a girl scout, just my neighbor.

  


TROY

You speak Polish?

  


ABED

A bit. Also Arabic. And English, obviously.

  


TROY ( _blunt_ )

I don’t think I can be physical with you. 

  


Abed swallows down his disappointment. 

  


ABED

Is this religious guilt or homophobia?

( _Beat)_

Men can have sex with each other without bursting into flames, you know. A lot of them actually do. 

( _Another beat)_

Unless I’m reading this all wrong and you don’t actually want to. I suppose that’s possible.

  


TROY

I can't have sex with you because I’ll fall in love with you. 

  


Abed is stunned. 

  


TROY ( _CONT’D_ )

And I may not burst into flames, but my life will be a lot more complicated. 

  


ABED ( _into camera_ )

Oh. 

  


TROY

The entire time I was away, I never let myself… I never let myself get too close. To anyone. And before that I didn’t… I never thought… 

  


ABED ( _into camera_ )

I think we’re going to have sex. 

  


TROY ( _upset)_

You’re going away again!

( _Beat_ )

I want you here with me. Or if you have to go, at least take me with you. I could be your Constable.

  


Abed smiles. He can’t help it. 

  


TROY ( _CONT’D, quiet_ )

We’re going to have sex, aren’t we?

  


ABED

I hope so. 

  


TROY

Yeah. 

  


ABED

Yeah. 

  


TROY ( _soft)_

Okay.

  


He steps toward him. Close Shot of his fingers, gently and slowly reaching for Abed’s coat. 

Medium Shot of them both as he takes it off to reveal Abed’s bare skin. 

  


TROY ( _pleasant surprise)_

Oh.

  


ABED

Listen, I–

  


TROY ( _shushing him_ )

No, no, no. Please. It’s awesome.

  


Full Shot of both of them. Troy takes it all in. Hesitates at the sight of him. 

Abed ducks his head and kisses him. After a moment, he pulls away to search his face.

Close Shot of Troy cradling Abed’s head, leaning into to kiss him. Abed kisses him back. They hold each other, Troy clinging to Abed. Abed gasps.

  


**HARD CUT:**

**INT. ABED’S BLANKET FORT - His Bed**

This shot exists on screen for less than a second. All that can be seen is Abed’s bare back and Troy’s face peeking over his shoulder, eyes shut tight. 

Before the audience can process what they’ve seen, Abed reaches behind him and pushes the camera away. This is private. 

** End of Episode 5 **


	6. Episode 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pierce and Wu Mei get married.

**Episode 6**

**INT. ABED’S BLANKET FORT - Abed’s Bed**

The morning after. 

Abed’s POV: Troy’s back, his head pressed to the pillow.

We see Abed’s hand reach out to stroke his hair, then fall down to the nape of his neck and his shoulders. He can’t help himself. 

  


TROY ( _muffled_ )

Mhm?

  


Reaction shot of Abed. He bites his lip to keep from smiling. 

Troy rolls over to face him.

  


TROY ( _CONT’D_ )

What is it?

  


ABED

Nothing. 

  


His hand finds its way to his cheek. 

  


TROY

C’mon, what are you thinking?

  


ABED 

I just can’t believe we did that. 

  


Troy gets a serious look in his eye. He smiles, disbelieving. 

  


TROY 

I know.

  


_**ALTERNATE TITLE CARD: [THE WEDDING]** _

  


**EXT. PIERCE’S BACKYARD**

Everything is set up for the wedding. Abed, Annie, Britta, Shirley, and Jeff are early, greeting guests as they arrive. 

Abed holds a wrapped box with a bow.

  


SHIRLEY

Big day!

  


JEFF

How’re we all feeling?

  


BRITTA ( _a bit forced)_

Great! I really think that silent retreat did something for me. I hardly even feel like getting drunk and dancing with too many strangers.

  


ANNIE

Happy and anxious and nervous and excited, basically the standard for a wedding or any other major life event. Or the sight of Mark Ruffalo. 

  


JEFF

Speak for yourself. 

  


ABED

How are _you_ feeling, Jeff?

  


JEFF

Good, actually. I’m feeling pretty good. Let’s get this wedding going. 

  


The camera catches Troy exiting the mansion and wandering into the garden. 

He’s dressed handsomely. 

His eyes perk up when he sees Abed, but he tries to play it off and casually walk in the other direction. 

  


JEFF ( _CONT’D_ )

Look at that. I guess Troy came anyways.

  


ABED

Yeah, I guess he did. 

  


Another look into the camera. In the background, Annie tries to look casual. 

  


BRITTA 

I’m glad. He seems like a really nice guy. 

  


ANNIE ( _knowingly)_

Yeah, he does. 

  


SHIRLEY

Such a nice young man.

  


BRITTA

We should invite him out with us sometime. I liked hanging out with him at the garden party. 

  


ABED

I’d like that. 

  


BRITTA ( _to Abed)_

You look tired, did you sleep okay?

  


He glances at the camera. 

  


ABED

I actually slept fairly well. 

Just not for a very long time, I guess. 

  


Private smirk to the camera.

  


SHIRLEY

Abed, I don’t see your lady friend here tonight. 

  


JEFF

_Shirley_ , maybe we should take the fact that she’s not here as a context clue and not bring it up. 

  


ABED

It’s fine.

  


SHIRLEY

Oh _no_ , Abed, I’m sorry, I didn’t realize, I just thought maybe we’d get to meet her, you know, after everything…

  


ANNIE ( _suddenly)_

He doesn’t have a girlfriend, he’s been covering for me.

  


JEFF

I’m sorry, what? 

  


SHIRLEY

No girlfriend?

  


ABED

Um, no. 

  


ANNIE

Also, I’m not dating Vaughn anymore. 

  


JEFF

What?

  


SHIRLEY

Oh, honey, I’m sorry. 

  


ANNIE

No, I broke up with him. 

  


ABED

It was for the best. 

  


ANNIE

It’s really fine. 

  


BRITTA ( _to Abed)_

Wait, so at the engagement dinner, you were just covering for Annie?

  


ABED

Yes. Sorry.

  


SHIRLEY ( _realizing)_

Oh my… Ann-ie…

  


She moves in to hug her. 

  


BRITTA

Do you need me to recommend a support group?

  


JEFF

I’m… at a loss. 

  


SHIRLEY

Annie… What _happened_?

  


Annie is about to answer, and then she catches the eye of another UNKNOWN WEDDING ATTENDEE who is watching them. They’re starting to cause a sort of a scene. 

Annie begins to lead them to a more private part of the yard. 

Abed senses this as his time to leave and give them some time on their own. He makes eye contact with Annie and she nods to him. We walk with him back around to the side of Pierce’s mansion and disappear behind the wall. 

  


**EXT. SIDE OF HAWTHORNE MANSION**

Abed leans back against the wall. He still has his box, but he’s set it on the ground. 

He fiddles with his carton of candy cigarettes, but doesn’t take any out. 

  


TROY ( _entering_ )

Hey. 

  


ABED ( _happily)_

Hey. 

  


TROY

You look great. 

  


He says this and he takes it all in, Abed in his mismatched formalwear again. He really thinks he looks great. 

  


ABED

Look who’s talking. 

  


Troy smiles at the ground. His hands almost touch Abed, but hold back. He looks at him longingly. 

  


ABED ( _CONT’D)_

We just have to get through this part. The wedding. Then we can...

  


ABED/TROY ( _overlapping_ )

...figure this out... / We can... Yeah.

  


Troy’s about to leave and then he’s pushing Abed up against the wall and kissing him. 

Angled Shot of them both.

  


TROY

Oh my God. 

  


ABED _(between kisses)_

Oh. Oh...

  


I don’t know what this feeling is. 

  


TROY

Is it me?

  


ABED ( _amazed)_

I don’t know. I don’t know.

  


Close up on Troy making a circle with his thumb on Abed’s cheek. He presses their foreheads together briefly and then walks away without another word.

  


ABED ( _CONT’D, calling after him)_

Okay, cool. 

  


Close on Troy. He smiles so wide it looks like it must make his cheeks hurt. 

  


TROY

Cool, cool, cool. 

  


ABED ( _into camera)_

Perfect callback.

  


**EXT. PIERCE’S BACKYARD**

Abed returns to the group, holding his box again.

  


ABED

Hi.

  


BRITTA

Really sneaky, slipping out right as things get emotional. 

  


ABED

I didn’t want to intrude. I'd already inadvertently taken Annie’s support system once before.

  


Shirley rubs his arm.

  


SHIRLEY

You’ll get your turn. 

  


Just then, Wu Mei approaches the group, looking worried. 

  


WU MEI

I need your help. 

  


JEFF

Aren’t you supposed to be getting married soon?

  


WU MEI

Exactly. 

( _Beat)_

We’re about to start and no one can find him. Please. Please help me. 

  


ABED ( _pointing to each member of the group)_

Search party? Search party? Search party? Search party?

I’ll check the attic. 

  


SHIRLEY 

I’ll check by the cars!

  


ANNIE

Bedrooms. 

  


BRITTA

I’ll stay in the garden. 

  


JEFF

I’ll call every bar, barber shop, and strip club within a 50 mile radius.

  


**INT. PIERCE’S ATTIC**

Abed enters to find Pierce sitting on the ground. 

  


ABED

Pierce. There you are.

  


PIERCE

Abed. I can’t get out. 

  


ABED

I see. Yes, you can. 

  


PIERCE

I’m stuck.

  


ABED

I understand. You feel trapped. We’re doing a ‘left-at-the-altar’ plotline. Everyone will understand, let’s just get you out of here. We can sneak you out in a comically large dress to hide your shape.

  


PIERCE

No, my foot is stuck. I can’t move.

  


Abed looks down. Pierce’s foot is through the floor.

  


ABED

Oh. How did you get it stuck?

  


PIERCE

Just help me, Abed.

  


Abed struggles with it, eventually gets him loose. 

Pierce stays on the ground. 

  


PIERCE ( _CONT’D_ )

‘Everyone will understand?’

  


ABED

I only meant because of the popular wedding trope. Not because of you personally. 

  


PIERCE

Plotlines, tropes. You know, I never understand whatever you’re talking about. 

  


ABED

I do know that, yes. 

( _Beat_ )

What were you doing up here?

  


PIERCE

Just trying to have a moment to myself before the wedding. You’re not the only one with a flair for the dramatics. And I was admiring the portrait. 

  


Quick shot of the portrait, hanging on the wall. In it, all are looking out at the viewer, save for Abed, who has his back turned entirely and Jeff, who displays his side profile. Britta faces the viewer but her eyes look elsewhere. 

  


PIERCE ( _CONT’D)_

I wasn’t going to leave.

( _scoffing_ )

‘Everyone would understand.’

I just want you all to be happy for me. To be proud of me.

  


ABED

We are happy for you, Pierce. We are proud. You have seven people who love you, even if you don’t always like us. 

  


PIERCE

I like Annie. I occasionally see myself in Jeff. Troy is incredibly interesting.

  


ABED

Well, there you go then. 

  


PIERCE

I don’t always have to like you, or understand you, to love you. It’s not for lack of trying.

( _Beat_ )

I do love you all. 

  


ABED

I know, Pierce. 

  


Now he does. 

  


PIERCE

I’m trying. I do try. 

  


ABED

Maybe try by cutting out the racism and homophobia next. 

  


PIERCE

Promise to call me out on it?

  


ABED

Cross my heart. Not one bigoted comment goes unchecked. Easiest promise I ever made.

  


PIERCE ( _gesturing to portrait)_

I think he was trying some philosophical crap in the portrait. The painter. 

  


ABED

Oh?

  


PIERCE

Yeah. He was saying something about that while he was painting. Some crackpot statement about connections to each other or the group or whatever. I don’t know, I wasn’t really listening. He wouldn’t stop talking. 

  


ABED

Maybe we should commission a new one then. If that’s the case, this is already outdated.

  


PIERCE

Sometimes I think that you might understand the world better than anyone else, Abed. And that’s why I don’t understand _you._

  


ABED ( _quietly_ )

That’s an interesting theory, Pierce.

  


PIERCE

C’mon. Help an old man up. 

  


He does. 

Abed hands him the box.

  


ABED

Wedding present. Just for you.

  


Pierce opens it. It’s the Energon Pod.

  


PIERCE

You brought her back.

  


ABED

Sorry it took so long.

  


PIERCE 

You know, I thought it was funny that out of everything in my house, this is what you decided to take.

  


ABED

Why’s that funny?

  


PIERCE

In Neo Buddhist culture, this is how we preserve a person’s life vapor after their organic body dies. This Energon Pod is my mother. You must’ve needed her. Or vice-versa. 

  


Close Up on Abed’s face as he tries to process this information. 

  


PIERCE ( _CONT’D)_

It’s really good to have her back in the house. I hope she helped. Mom was always good for that.

  


ABED

Let’s get you married, Pierce. 8th time’s the charm, right?

  


PIERCE

I hope so, Abed. 

  


They exit together.

  


**EXT. PIERCE’S BACKYARD - The Wedding Ceremony**

Everyone is already settled in their seats. The group looks particularly anxious. 

Abed directs Pierce to the altar and takes his assigned seat next to Annie. 

  


ANNIE

Thank God you found him. 

  


ABED

All’s well that ends well.

  


The traditional bassoon music begins to play; Wu Mei makes her way down the aisle. 

  


ANNIE ( _whispering_ )

So Troy’s here. 

  


ABED ( _whispering back_ )

I know.

  


ANNIE

All good then?

  


Abed looks across the aisle.

Abed’s POV: Troy watches Wu Mei and his eyes glisten.

  


ABED

I really hope so. 

  


Annie smiles happily right as Wu Mei reaches the altar. 

The rest of the actual ceremony is presented as a **MONTAGE** , with happier, more upbeat bassoon music. 

Wu Mei and Pierce both don ceremonial blue hats, recite their vows, and kneel before the Space Buddha. The last clip of the montage is their kiss. The cheering of the attendants blends into the cheering of the next scene. 

  


**EXT. PIERCE’S BACKYARD - Later in the Night**

Some are dancing, some are seated at tables eating, some are chatting. All are gleeful. 

Annie and Abed are seated at one of the tables. 

  


ABED

How’s Annie Kim?

  


ANNIE

She’s good. She’s really good. 

( _Beat_ )

I haven’t said anything to her, if that’s what you’re asking. 

  


ABED

You should. 

  


ANNIE

When did you get to be such a romantic? What do you want me to do, hold a boombox outside her window? Run through an airport and confess my love? 

  


ABED

That’s not a bad idea. The whole last minute airport confession scene is actually pretty unrealistic, though. You can’t get through security without a boarding pass. You’d need a ticket just to get through the gate, you’d need to know her flight and the terminal. But it’s a really nice thought. You should do something like that. 

  


ANNIE

Imagine me doing all that. Imagine. She’d think I was crazy. She’s not even flying anywhere! It’s just not realistic. 

( _sighs_ )

The only person I’d run through an airport for is you.

  


SHIRLEY ( _entering_ )

He-llo!

  


BRITTA ( _crashing in, vaguely drunk_ )

Look, Jeff’s gonna talk!

  


Full Shot of Jeff, standing up and hitting his fork against someone else’s glass. 

Medium Shot of Jeff as he speaks. 

  


JEFF

Everyone here who knows me knows that I talk a lot. So I promise to keep this as brief as possible.

Love is awful!

  


SHIRLEY

Oh no. 

  


JEFF

It’s _awful_. It’s painful. It’s frightening. It makes you doubt yourself, judge yourself, _distance_ yourself from the other people in your life. It makes you selfish. It makes you creepy, makes you obsessed with your hair, makes you cruel, makes you say and do things you never thought you would do. It’s all any of us want, and it’s hell when we get there.

  


ANNIE

Should we be doing something?

  


ABED

Give him a second.

  


JEFF

So no wonder it’s something we don’t want to do on our own.

Two years ago, I met five very important people. Among them of course, was Pierce, but also Annie, Shirley, Britta, and Abed, who I can’t go without mentioning.

And of course, that group is growing.

  


He gestures toward the audience, which could refer to anyone but Abed thinks is meant for Troy.

  


JEFF ( _CONT’D)_

Meeting these people changed my life. What you all have done for me is indescribable. It’s unbelievable. 

I was taught if we’re born with love then life is about choosing the right place to put it. People talk about that a lot, feeling right, when it feels right it’s easy. But I’m not sure that’s true. It takes strength to know what’s right. And love isn’t something that weak people do. Being a romantic takes a hell of a lot of hope. I think what they mean is, when you find somebody that you love, it feels like hope.

And my love for these people is immeasurable, even when you split it so many ways. To Pierce, I am glad you’ve found someone who understands you on the levels we can’t. To Wu Mei, good luck. 

( _laughs)_

And take care of him. I’m hopeful for you both.

( _lifts his hand)_

To love!

  


ALL ( _echoing)_

To love!

  


ABED ( _faintly)_

Winger Speech to bring us home.

  


Annie and Shirley are teary-eyed. 

  


ANNIE

That was beautiful.

  


ABED

It’s not too late for you to sneak out the back and go find her.

  


She hesitates. 

  


ABED ( _CONT’D)_

Go.

  


She nods, stands, and leaves. 

  


SHIRLEY

Where is she going?

  


ABED

The airport. Figuratively. 

  


SHIRLEY 

Oo-kay…

  


TROY ( _entering)_

Is this seat taken? 

  


ABED

Not at all. Please sit. 

  


He does, in Annie’s seat, right next to Abed. 

  


SHIRLEY

Hello, Troy.

  


BRITTA ( _loudly_ )

Hi, Troy. 

  


TROY

Sorry, I heard Jeff’s speech and… I just had to come over. I hope that’s okay.

  


BRITTA

We love you too, Troy. Welcome to the group.

  


ABED ( _quiet_ )

Hi.

  


TROY ( _matching him_ )

Hi. 

  


ABED

I’m glad you came over here.

  


They smile at each other. Behind them, where they can’t see but the audience can, Britta waggles her eyebrows, gestures toward them, and winks at Shirley.

  


**MONTAGE** : 

Jeff joins them and hides his tears during a group hug. Pierce fakes a heart attack when the caterer tries to speak to them. Britta dances strongly on her own in the middle of the floor, the others cheer her on. A Neo Buddhist man tries to dance with Shirley. 

  


**EXT. PIERCE’S BACKYARD - NIGHT**

Most of the guests have dwindled. Everything is lit up by small, twinkling lights. 

  


ABED

I think it’s time for me to head home.

  


The remaining group fawns over him. Hugs goodbye. 

  


ABED

Goodnight, everyone. 

Goodnight Troy. 

  


TROY

Goodnight, Abed. 

  


Abed leaves. He knows exactly where to go without speaking about it. 

  


**EXT. PIERCE’S FRONT YARD - Hidden Bench**

Sounds of the party in the distance. 

Troy settles in next to Abed.

  


TROY

Hey. 

  


ABED

Hi. 

You knew where I was. 

  


TROY

Of course I did. Hopefully no rats this time.

( _Beat)_

It was a really nice wedding. 

  


ABED

It really was. 

  


TROY

They’re actually a really nice couple. 

  


ABED

Yeah, they actually are. For his sake, I hope this one lasts. 

  


TROY

Is Annie okay? I saw her leave pretty early. 

  


ABED

Yeah. She just had… work stuff.

  


TROY

She must really love her work. 

  


ABED

Yeah, she does. 

( _Beat)_

I know what the feeling is. 

  


TROY

Yeah? 

  


ABED

I love you. 

Don’t say anything yet. Let’s just let it exist for dramatic effect.

( _Beat)_

I love you.

  


TROY

I know. 

  


Abed’s jaw drops. 

  


ABED

That’s Star Wars. You just quoted Star Wars to me. You Solo’ed me. 

  


TROY

I’m glad you recognized it, because I really didn’t know. 

( _Beat)_

I love you, too.

  


Abed kisses him softly, sweetly. There is less urgency than before, but the emotions run just as high. 

He pulls only an inch away. His hand stays on Troy’s jaw. 

  


ABED

You wanna get out of here? We could go back to my place. Give Pierce and Wu Mei the house to themselves. 

  


TROY

Yes. _Please._

  


Troy puts his head onto Abed’s shoulder - just for a moment. 

  


Abed looks into the camera. A proud and triumphant smile. 

  


ABED

Alright. Let’s go.

  


**MUSIC CUE** : _Don’t Talk (Put Your Head on My Shoulders _by _The Beach Boys_.

The camera tracks Troy and Abed as they stand. 

Abed offers Troy his hand. He laughs kindly – nervously – and accepts. They take the first step away. The camera follows.

Abed looks right at it. He shakes his head. _No_.

The camera, now stationary, shows them walking away. No cuts. No zooms. No movement. Just Troy and Abed, walking away, getting smaller and smaller, interlocked hands swaying slightly. 

When they are almost out of sight, Abed removes his hand from Troy’s. He turns to wave _Goodbye_ to the camera and to us, the audience. Then his hand moves in around Troy’s waist. 

We feel him leave us.

This is the last we see of them. 

Fade to black. Music swells.

  
_**TITLE CARD: [THIS IS A LOVE STORY]** _

  


** End Episode 6  **

**** **FIN.**

**Author's Note:**

> thank you, and if you liked it leave a comment and let me know what you think!


End file.
